Three Things

Eliana

Eliana is five years old. She is my five-year-old baby. I'll be up front about it...I nursed her longer than I did the other two, I still carry her around on my hip (this one is actually a mystery to me...she often ends up there, and I honestly have no recollection of picking her up, and I (usually) set her down once I realize that I have her), and for the longest time I lay down with her to get her to sleep.

This has looked different at different times. A long time ago, I would lie across the foot of my bed while she was lying in her pack and play. Then we went through a crazy time in which my sleeping patterns were ALL messed up (it had to do with roaches), and Eliana and I were pretty much sleeping together, not in my bedroom. When we moved into the house we are presently in, she got her own room and her own bed, but I often lay down with her, or sat in her room until she was asleep. You can imagine how long this took most of the time, and how tired I was from lying down at bedtime, but knowing I had to get back up and clean up and do other things before I actually went to bed myself. Earlier this year, I knew I wanted things to change. I came up with a plan.

Since we were leaving town for the summer, I did not want to make drastic changes before we left; they would just get undone on our trip. I planned on starting the changes once we were on our trip, though. When we were at my parents', I put her to bed, and then left the room. In their house, she could still see and hear me once I was in the living room. That went pretty well. Then when we were at the beach, I put her to bed and went to do other things. I left the door open, and the closet light on, and she could still hear me. She did a good job staying in bed, even though she could hear the big kids getting ready for bed and moving about!

Once we got home, I continued with this pattern. I read to her, tucked her in, left the closet light on and the bedroom door open, and then went to do other things. I told her I would check on her, but she was not allowed to get out of her bed. She asked if she could get books or a stuffed animal. I told her she could do that, but that she needed to get back under the covers, and that she could not come out of the room. 

I have been amazed at how well this has gone! There have been several,"MOM!"s, times when she calls out, wants some water, wants company, wants the hall light on. But, for the most part, she stays in her bed (and definitely stays in her room), and looks at books, and then eventually, and quietly, falls asleep. I am proud of her, because I think this is a big change. Since we did it gradually, it was a smooth process, though.

That's what I'm telling myself, anyway. Next? We'll work on her ending up on my hip.

Christian

Christian is in the elementary Sunday School program at our church, and this year they are doing something that I think is pretty neat. Each class has sponsored a child in Haiti through World Vision. They will be writing to the children, sending pictures and a Bible. The kids are also able to earn "Blessing Bucks" weekly, in order to put toward projects in the community there. I am so excited about this endeavor! It gets everyone involved, and hopefully will help them see that the world is both big and small, and that they are useful in God's kingdom.

Michaela

In the class we go to each week, there is a science experiment. One of the first ones (it may have been the first one, actually) was to look at a pinto bean before and after it had started sprouting. Each student in Michaela's class received their own bean, and she kept up with it once we were home. 

I didn't even know this until she showed me her bean that had split and was growing leaves! She and Mike planted it in some soil and we have continued to watch it grow over the last few weeks. Last Tuesday, she took the bean to class and shared a Bible verse about seeds and growing (they have a presentation each week). At some point, the bean stalk (it makes it sound like it's huge) (stem?) broke, and the top-heavy plant looked doomed. She brought it home, put the leaves up on the window so they were resting against the glass, and do you know it repaired itself?! I couldn't believe it! I had no idea it would do that. It created a new layer of stem material at the break. It looks like a knobby joint, a bean plant with arthritis. 

We keep watching it grow; it seems like every day it's noticeably higher. It has been fun to observe! We think it needs a bigger pot, or to get moved outside. I'm very curious to see what will happen to it...I honestly have no idea. I don't grow things. I usually kill plants. This is just another way that Michaela is not like her mother. I say if I hadn't pushed her out myself, I wouldn't be sure she came from me. 

The Full Revelation

Before you get all excited, thinking that I have had a vision for the ages, simmer down.

I've just been reading Calvin. Normally you might expect "and Hobbes" to follow, but this time it's not so. I am speaking of John Calvin, the Reformer. 

It's hard. I really have to concentrate on it, and I often read and reread and rereread sentences or paragraphs. But I'm going to finish what I started. It's kind of crazy that Mike has read so much Calvin, and wrote a huge dissertation on one of his treatises, and I've never really read anything by him. I am aiming to glean some insights from this historically great thinker, pastor, and theologian, who has so influenced my hubs.

So far, in what I have read, the thing that resonates with me the most is Calvin's belief that while we are to be grateful for the gift of life which we have received from God, the trials in this life ought always to heighten our desire for...wait. Let me just quote him.

"[W]e begin in the present life, through various benefits, to taste the sweetness of the divine generosity in order to whet our hope and desire to seek after the full revelation of this."

Basically, we know that God's goodness here is like an appetizer compared to the feast we will one day enjoy. Can you even imagine the "full revelation" of what God has in store for us? I can't. But it makes my heart pound just thinking about it.

There are two things that I know I need to be better about: relating these things to my kids so that they will know God, want to know him more, and trust him now and forever, as well as showing people in the world what an awesome God reigns over and loves us. 

That is what is on my mind right now. 

(That and the quickly approaching baseball postseason. But I'm guessing the other stuff is more eternally significant.)

Unrefined Material

Monday. Monday, Monday, Monday. Monday just has a certain...quality, doesn't it? 

I took Christian to school because Mike had an early meeting. (I won't even go into his morning. You can be sure it was a Monday too, if you know what I mean.) I headed home and things seemed fine. I thought about what I needed to accomplish today, even though all I wanted to do was get back in bed and sleep for a week. Shortly after I walked in the house, I checked my email and discovered a message from Christian's teacher. It had good news! We are the snack family this week! I quickly found something in the cabinet to take back to the school, grabbed all the cheese sticks we had out of the fridge (And do you know what? It was the exact number I needed. Does God have a sense of humor? At any rate, he takes care of me even when I leave little material to work with.), and slipped through the revolving door so that I could drive back over to the school. I dropped off the snack and came back home, walking through the front door at 10am. 

I had gotten so much done! 

About ten minutes later a friend called to ask if Michaela could come over at lunchtime. 

Why not?! 

Michaela did a little work, we reviewed the facts that we learned in our weekly class (it's on Tuesdays), and just after noon I dropped her off at her friend's.

Eliana was so sad that she was not going. I took her to get a special lunch. 

For her, it's all about the chocolate milk. (Insert a picture of Eliana with chocolate milk here.)

I meant to take some happy pictures today, but instead I spent a lot of time...wasting time? I don't even know what I did the rest of the afternoon. The kids did some schoolwork, and suddenly it was dinnertime. Just the thought of going in my kitchen made me want to cry. Our dishwasher is full of broken glass (A skillet lid exploded in there.) (Mike worked on cleaning it out yesterday, but is likely going to need to dismantle the center spinny part in the bottom). There are clean but glassy dishes on my counter. My sink is full of dirty dishes because I'll be handwashing for hours once I start. The kids have been eating cereal out of my grandma's small metal bowls using iced tea spoons and baby spoons. I don't even know what those bowls are actually for. I found out they work for cereal. Rather than deal with this disaster, I got something out. 

I'm not proud of it. I'm sad about it, actually. But the kids are pretty awesome. They take things in stride, even kitchens that require protective gear.

In case you're wondering, Mike had a meeting tonight too, so he missed all the fun, all day. 

While I was in the car, driving home with the food, feeling lousy about the kitchen, the house, the laundry, I heard a song I had not heard before. Actually, I heard a version of a song that I loved years and years ago. Rich Mullins, who died in a car accident in 1997, sang The Apostles Creed, and it was one of my favorites (It is called "Creed"). Tonight I heard Third Day and Brandon Heath's cover of that song. It is amazing. If you know the song, you know the hammered dulcimer. They do such a good job. It had me in tears. I had to look it up when I got home. I don't normally do this, and I'm not even sure that I'm allowed to, (So let me know if I'm not!) but here is the recording.

I know it was pretty tame in light of more devastating things going on in the world, but the beginning of my day plus my lethargic, unproductive, bad-stewardliness by the end of the day left me feeling pretty stinking low. The words to this great creed plus the wonderful music of talented artists (from today and from a decade and a half ago) gave me a sweet reality check, and an opportunity to decide that tomorrow can be different. 

In addition to the words of the creed, Rich Mullins adds this chorus:

And I believe that what I believe
Is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not
The invention of any man

"...[I]t is making me." God is at work. May I be material that he can work with.

Making a Joyful Noise

This is the first year that all three kids have been able to go to choir. Our church has a phenomenal children's choir program. The women who lead the children's choirs are committed not only to teaching these kids wonderful music, but to teaching them how to worship and help lead worship. They are learning to love God with beautiful hymns and choruses. 

Eliana has been so excited to join the choir! I am delighted to say that every day, she asks,"When is it going to be Sunday?!" And all day Sunday she asks,"When is it going to be time to go to choir?!" 

I waffle all the time between thinking she looks so big and she looks so small. In these big chairs, she looked little! She is probably one of the youngest kindergartners, since her birthday is in August.

I accidentally arrived a little early to pick them up and realized that it was one of a few Sundays in which the older choirs and the younger ones practice together (I think they are all practicing the same thing, to sing in worship in a few weeks, and they get everyone together so that they can get to know one another a little). I stood in the back and listened to them rehearse Seek Ye First. I was thisclose to bawling. It was so beautiful. The leaders are quite gifted (they all sing in our church choir, which is at least locally renowned) and the sound of those precious voices blending with the directors...it was a foretaste of our glorious future for sure. I was so glad I got there a bit early.

I am thankful for the many people who invest in the kids in this way, teaching them profound truths using a powerful medium. I pray that these truths get deeply ingrained, and become a constant reminder of God's great love for us.

Looking Forward to the Ending of the Story

Last year a representative from the Dallas Museum of Art visited Christian's school and gave a special presentation on something (I'm sorry, I can't remember what it was); at the end of the day, each student received a coupon for free admission for four to the museum. The coupon was good until September 30, 2012.

I've been meaning to take the kids ever since. Today was just about the last day we could go (quite literally), and it was pouring, so it seemed like a good idea to head over to the Arts District and check out the museum. Christian has actually been with one of his classes, but no one else in our family has visited there before.

I told the kids before we left that a museum was a place for walking quietly, and there would be no running, yelling, or messing with one another. For whatever reason, though, today was not a day that they could manage the not messing with one another part. They could not keep their hands to themselves. Whether it was irritated slapping (lightly or not) or hugging and leaning all over each other, there was just too much...activity. When we were in the car in the parking garage, I had to quickly fill out the form that Christian had gotten. The kids had all unstrapped and were antagonizing one another. I told them we needed to go home, and we wouldn't even go inside. They were upset about that, and pleaded to go in. I was upset too...could they not behave for a mere five minutes?

No. No they could not.

We were still in the parking garage, about to cross from a mid-section to where the elevators were, when Michaela reached out and grabbed Christian's arm because it looked like he was headed for the path of an oncoming car. He pushed her hand away and said something like,"Michaela!" in an exasperated tone of voice. I told them that this was their last chance.

Once inside, Christian and Eliana continued to be a tangle of arms and legs and hair. I pulled them apart several times; they weren't fighting, but they were just...hugging and being too silly for our present location. I turned in our form and we started toward the museum exhibits. Twice in the first fifteen minutes, one of the personnel (there were security persons every few feet...not kidding) said something to my kids. Once, Christian and Eliana were doing their crazy hugging spinning thing (that makes it sound like they were mini-Tasmanian Devils...not the case, rather just holding on to one another and turning in circles and giggling). The other time each of them were going under this particular piece that was attached to the wall, but had a sort of figure eight that came out of the center of it, which was also hollow so that you could look up into it and see all the way through. Not that you were supposed to do that, but it was possible. So they tried it.

I had given them extra chances. And so when we went around the corner into another room, and Christian and Michaela had one more exchange, this time an angry one, I told them it was time to go and we left. I wish I had done it sooner. I had meant what I said, but I kept thinking they would chill out.

It's such a bummer when things like that don't work out. Michaela was pretty upset. I would like to take her back, but I don't think they can handle a place like that all together. On the way home, I started to think about what if I had had another baby (I miscarried a little over two years ago) (I can't believe it's been that long), and how would I have managed and so many more thoughts along those lines. I was feeling bad about the fact that I could not take all four kids. I DON'T EVEN HAVE FOUR KIDS! I had to do a quick reality check, and I had to blink back some tears and then remind myself that God's providence is trustworthy.

That seems like a random ending to this story. And I can't really think of a way to tie it all together or wrap it up neatly. Sometimes life isn't like that. It doesn't have a tidy ending. There isn't a resolution that makes sense of everything at the last minute. I'm a firm believer that we don't have to understand it all, and in fact there are things that are beyond our ability to comprehend and that is okay. I'm also a firm believer that our faith is not blind or a wild leap off a cliff into a terrifying free-fall. The steps we take in faith certainly may be scary, but God has shown who he was and is and will be forever. The hand that takes us forward is a sure and mighty hand.

So. What on earth was I talking about? A trip to the museum. And a miscarriage. And God's faithfulness. Life is weird, isn't it? Calvin says that our days here leave us longing for the full revelation of God's generosity (also known as Heaven). And if that isn't true, then I don't know what is.