Redemption...

1.  Couldn't get Christian to take getting out of the door seriously this morning, even though I was also supposed to be in the classroom to help the students with their morning centers.

2.  Hit Christian in the face (lightly) with my security necklace (also known as a lanyard)-accused of doing it on purpose.  Yes, that's right, because I am that kind of a mom.  How about, I was trying to help you put on your shoes?

3.  Once we got to school realized that we had once again left Christian's bag on the front door since we left through the back door.

4.  Also, didn't pack a lunch for Christian. 

5.  Had both girls in the classroom with me; Eliana fussy and wanting to get out of stroller.  Put her on my lap while trying to help with the Geo-Safari.  First time for students to record their scores.  Miss one child's score because of Eliana.  Grrr.

6.  Make a scene trying to get the stroller out of the classroom...why am I such a klutz?!

7.  Can't decide if I should walk home (in the rain) before dropping Eliana off at the co-op or just hang around.  Walk to the other end of the church building...change my mind and decide to stay...walk back to the other end of the church building.  Miss living literally across the street from the church!  (Being at the far end of the block now sometimes makes a big difference!) 

8.  Early for co-op; once Eliana can go in, she begins screaming.  Teacher takes her from me as she cries out,"Mommy, momma, mommy, momma?!" hysterically.  Trying not to cry myself.

9.  Hurry home in order to make Christian's lunch to bring back to school.

10.  Have a stinking moment with Michalea.  She is sassy, I am sassy...can someone please behave like a grown-up around here?

11.  Feel as though I am single-handedly, uniquely, and in individual ways screwing up each of my children forever.

12.  Take Christian's lunch to school, and his bag as well-yes!  I remembered both at the same time.

13.  Think I'll stroll past Eliana's class just to make sure she is not screaming any longer.  Win prize for worst timing in the world-Eliana is sitting on cabinet in hallway, with one of the volunteer moms, as I walk toward them.  She must have been crying loud enough to be distracting for the rest of the class.  My child is the "bad kid" who was kicked out of class!

14.  Other mom quickly turns Eliana away; over-protective idiot turns quickly down hallway to left.  Wait a couple of minutes; she cries again as she is taken back into the classroom.  I wait, and walk by, and hear nothing.  Decide that she will be okay, I will be okay, and I must leave now.

15.  Make it up with Michaela at home, have hot chocolate and a muffin together.

16.  Go get Eliana, she is smiling to see me, and had been playing.  Good news for my aching heart.  Maybe I am not single-handedly, uniquely, and in individual ways screwing up my children forever.  Verdict is still out with Christian, as I haven't seen him again, yet.

17.  Christian is happy to see me after school.  Wants to hold my hand.  So, yes, maybe I am not single-handedly, uniquely, and in individual ways screwing up my children forever.

18.  Going to give them pancakes for dinner. 

19.  Conscience just won't let me do that...add eggs, there is some protein.

20.  My children all still love me at the end of the day.  There is healing in that miracle that I cannot describe with words, and it is one that occurs daily.  Why does it always amaze me so?  I don't know, but the truth is that it does.

Good Intentions

I had every intention of getting some good cleaning done tonight.  The back area of our kitchen has never recovered from the move...there is a perfectly good countertop back there piled high with all manner of random junk:  a brown grocery bag of light bulbs, washing machine hoses, a bag of those safety covers for long blind cords, felt stickies for the bottom of furniture legs, a level.  The list could go on, but I think the point is made.  Most of it was in our laundry room in the other house, and it just needs to find a good spot to live here in this house.  We also have a laundry sorter that keeps laundry separated into three piles.  It sat in the middle of the floor back there, taking up so much space.  And it never accomplished its purpose of sorting; our laundry just got dumped in helter-skelter with nary a thought to lights, darks, whites, towels, rags, or however we might have come up with a system to organize our dirty laundry.

Do you know when we were first married I drove our laundry to Mike's campus where there was a big laundry room and just did it all at once every so often?  I would do 8-10 loads at a time.  And I folded all of our dirty laundry in the baskets so that it would all fit nicely.  I had a lot of time on my hands back then.  I cannot even get our clean laundry folded and put away, much less fold up our dirty stuff.

Anyway, I was trying to get that sorter out of the kitchen and had just started cleaning the floor, on my hands and knees with a soapy rag, when Eliana started crying.  It was a little after 9:00 p.m.!  This was way too early!  I pretty much told her to get out of her bed on her own (which she can now do...help me, please!) and she followed me around while I finished wiping the floor.  I got her settled again, and tried to start in on the kitchen once more, but soon heard her little feet patting my way.  She was crying.  I asked her if she was okay, washed my hands up, and changed my clothes so that I felt cleaner.  I finally picked her up and she seemed fine at this point.  She looked at my face intently and said,"Hi, mom.  Kiss?"

How can I stay upset when I am faced with that?  Will you please tell me? 

I can make whatever plan I want to make, and I can get so irritated that it doesn't go the way I was hoping that it would, but if what I'm supposed to do is hold my baby girl (yes, yes, I know she is technically not a baby anymore, thank you for informing me of that, accuracy police) and give her a little snuggle before she settles back down to sleep peacefully for a while, then I can do nothing except just that, and gladly, in the end.

I'm so sorry to have just made you read through one of the longest and twisty sentences in the history of the world (or my blog).

It also afforded me the time to sit and read in a book that I started a while ago, as well as in my B-I-B-L-E.  I sat with her while she went back to sleep, and had a moment to get quiet myself.  It had been a while.

So, here's to a sweet snuggle earlier than usual and a good read.  Perspective shifted, and to all a good night.

Forecast: Rainy With a Chance of Rain

It rained all day today.  And by all day, I mean ALL DAY.  From the time we got up this morning until now (although it has definitely tapered off).  The land has been quenched momentarily.  Christian kept saying throughout the day,"I wish it was like this in California."  They have been discussing the fires in his class as they talk about current events.

Since we were stuck inside and it was a Saturday so we had no place in particular to be anyway, I made a big, late breakfast.  We had bacon, eggs, and scones.  Except my dough was much too soft, so I made muffins.  We could call them scuffins.  While I was getting all the ingredients mixed together I noticed Eliana out of the corner of my eye; she was behaving oddly.  She was standing in a chair next to me at the kitchen counter.  I looked at her and realized she was making faces at herself in the mixer bowl.

She would lean in and then lean back out.  She smiled, and pulled her mouth back, and then made kissy lips.  She was so funny to watch...

And that was probably the highlight of the day.  I can't say that my kids love to be holed up in a house for an entire day with nothing to look at but one another, even though there are countless things to do here. 

We tried rearranging Michaela's bedroom, but it didn't work and everything ended up pretty much back where it was in the start.  Ending up exactly where you began always makes you feel like you got a lot done.

We did run one errand to the library, just to return books in the outdoor drop box, but other than that they were subjected to listening to the rain pour down on the roof and gush off the sides of the house for hours and hours.  I tried to clean up a little bit, but not with great success. 

I managed to get Mike's clothes for church ironed right after dinner...that is a major accomplishment.  Writing that sentence was also a major accomplishment considering I wrote "manj" and deleted it and wrote it again at least ten times in a row. 

I will now share with you some things that I learned today.

• Listening to the rain makes my kids want to eat.  Every single minute.
• Leaving your bacon grease to clean up later is not the easy way to go.
• Tired two-year-olds are very cross.  (I really already knew this, but got a good dose of a reminder today.)
• Putting Magic Shell on Breyers Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream is totally unnecessary. 

Some of this knowledge may be useful to you and some of it is utterly useless information.  Sorry.

It is now pouring again; late at night when all of my children are asleep in their beds I enjoy listening to the sound.  Maybe it will lull me to sleep in a little while.  First, I have some potties to clean.  These are the joys of housekeeping...

Two Inches Away From Insanity

Last night I pulled out the crate of stitching stuff for Christian's class in order to cut the squares down to a smaller size.  They were so large that the kids were sewing the extra fabric that hung outside of their emroidery hoops into the backs of their pieces.  Of course, this meant taking out multiple stitches in order to free the fabric and then they would have to redo what had been done and undone.  I thought if I made the squares a little smaller that the corners wouldn't be so inclined to get caught in the needles' paths. 

First of all, why did I wait until last night to start doing this? 

Second of all, why did I wait until last night to start doing this?

I honestly thought it would be a simple thing to do.  I just needed to take two inches off each side of each square.  It sounds easy, doesn't it?  I put my measuring template down on my fabric cutting board.  (Aren't you impressed that I even have those things?  Well, you shouldn't be!  I got them about four years ago when I began making a quilt for Michaela...and the unmade quilt still sits in a basket looking pretty for all that it's worth, a sad, sweet little pile of fabric that will one day be a lovely quilt for my grown daughter's children, maybe...)  Not for any amount of money or chocolate, in those first few minutes, could I get it translated from my head to my hands what I was needing to do.  In other words, I knew what I needed to do, but I couldn't think straight to do it.  It was the weirdest thing...as if all of my Math knowledge decided to go on strike and I couldn't coax it to come back and do its duty.  Not like I have a whole ton of Math knowledge, but I know that when I have 12 1/2 inch squares and I want to cut off two inches that I would be left with 10 1/2 inch squares. 

I would put marks on the fabric in order to draw the lines which I would use to cut off the excess fabric; then I would make the line go across instead of down, or down instead of across.  I would try to put the measuring template so that I could see where the 10 1/2 inches were going to be, but then I couldn't really tell and it didn't seem right.  I was so frustrated by my own lack of skills I wanted to cry.

But I didn't!  I persevered!  And all of sudden, it clicked.  And then I was a cutting machine. 

I got into a groove and once that happened it went quickly.  I also began to look at their stitching closely, and it brought me such joy to think about them stitching on this cross.  It was such a sweet thought, that they were working on something so diligently and that it would serve as a reminder of the Lord's great love for them.  I felt humbled and happy to be helping them with this project.  

A friend that I hadn't talked to in a long time called while I was cutting, and talking to her helped the time fly.  Before I knew it, all thirteen squares were cut, back in their hoops, and sealed in the bags once again.

This morning I toted all of the stuff to class and the kids got to work right away.  They all seemed very enthusiastic.  And they were doing a great job.  The time went by quickly there as well, and soon the stitching was all put away again. 

When I first signed up for this task I was so apprehensive.  I was worried about getting the stuff ready, about teaching them how to sew, about being in the classroom with a bunch of first-graders and all of their germs.  Now I find myself thinking that it will be over much too soon.

Bear With Me for a Moment

I think I'm funny.