Returning to Normalcy

I suppose in order to return to a particular location you have to have been there in the first place.  This is probably true with state of being as well, no?

At any rate, I feel at odds with "carrying on".  I am still weeping over the loss of the little girl Cora, for her sweet, faithful family, and for the suffering and grief that other parents are going through who have lost a child.  I have had to choke back tears so many times today, just doing "normal" things because it hurts to know that there are parents who will not be able to do those same things again.  Leaving a sleeping baby snuggled in the bed.  Sticking the little one in the high chair for lunch.  Watching the oldest practice the piano.  Brushing their teeth.  Seeing the three of them interact.  Even cleaning up their mess. 

There is sorrow in my delight.

I pray that it takes some direction.  There must be somewhere to go with all of this. 

In the meantime I will continue to pray for them, as well as others.  Focus on others...that is a good thing. 

A Breadstick by Any Other Name...

Michaela really loves the breadsticks from Pizza Hut.

There on her plate lies a rectangularish piece of bread, minus the parmesan I suppose...but seriously, what is the difference between the bread she is eating and the bread that is left neglected on her plate?  There is none. Bread is bread.  Yet, the crust remains inedible for her (Christian, too). 

As strange as this differentiation seems to me now, I do recall doing the same thing when I was young.  There must be some developmental stage wherein the perspective on bread rises to a more mature and sophisticated level, making it possible to eat the crust after all.  I am so glad to have reached such maturity and sophistication myself...

Highly Sensitive

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

 He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

Revelation  21:1-5

I shared Cora's story with the kids the other day; I think it is good for them to know that there are people in the world who need our prayers, who have troubles bigger than some of the things we face throughout the day.  Christian sat and looked through their family's blog, clicking on the pictures to make them bigger, commenting on Cora in the pictures before her illness.  He would say,"There she is, all better."  He didn't understand that those photos were prior to the hospital ones.  He wanted to know why the tubes were in her body, why she was hooked up to all the machines.  I tried to explain it the best I could. 

Today, I shared with them that she, as her parents put it, was with Jesus now.  I don't think he really got it at first.  Michaela heard me tell someone at church (I got very emotional and shared a little with a friend, someone who lost a small child many years ago).  This afternoon, however, it sort of "struck" the two of them.  The both just cried and cried.  They said it was just so sad, it was too sad, that a baby had died.  A little baby.  How true.

Christian really had a hard time overcoming his tears.  I didn't try to make him stop or anything; I tried to comfort him.  And God helped me not burst into tears myself, because I have shed more than a few myself today.  The Lord gave me a calm spirit to be with Christian during his sadness.  He wanted to pray right then for Cora and for her family. 

I told him we have a lot to be thankful for.  I also told him that their family had many happy memories of their little girl, and that they knew she was with Jesus now.  He said,"They know?"  I said,"They do."  Our God keeps his promises.  He sent his son to live and die and be raised for us.  And he is victorious.  And so they, we, can know.  We can be certain.  Thank God that he is trustworthy.  Even when we don't understand, we can still trust. 

I know there are many children out there suffering, and that many pass away.  I just happened to "meet" this family on the internet.  They have given me a new determination to pray for those who are in such circumstances...cancer is such a terrible disease.  No child or anyone for that matter should endure all that it brings to pass. 

I am longing for the day when the Lord shall indeed wipe away every tear, when there will be no more death or mourning, when everything will be made new!

I have been deeply affected by this family.  I will never be the same.

I Don't Have a Title for This Post

(This is a post from another blog; the brief text is a link as well)

                                             Cora is with Jesus today.

(My post begins here)

I don't know where to start.  This is going to be stream-of-consciousness...

There are so many questions we have in this life.  Like a two-year-old, I want to ask,"Why?  Why is it that for some, life is so short?"  Why is there such suffering and hurting, such sorrow and pain in life?  I know the "technical" answer to these questions (sort of), but it doesn't make the reality any easier.  I don't even really know these folks.  I have been following their family's journey for the last week or so, through a blog.  The internet makes for a strange kind of connectedness.  A www.-pictures and words-very weird kind of connectedness.  You find out about interesting or funny people.  You find out about people who are going through some really rough times (and there are plenty of others out there that I don't have a link to).  Then you watch as their whole life (lives?) change in an instant. 

I am not sure what kind of a "thing" this is.  I'm hurting for this sweet family; they have such strong faith, and have been a witness to God's goodness and sovereignty.  And here they are, in all their grief, trying to rest in the knowledge that their precious little girl is with her Lord and Saviour.  Indeed, a comfort, yet what pain and anguish.  I cannot imagine.  Well, I can only imagine, and it hurts, it's heart-breaking, there are no words...

Yet, here I am, typing, typing, typing words and thinking of all that I am thankful for.  I'm literally naming the many blessings I have in my life...my healthy family, our home, Mike's job, things like that.  Then there is the fact that our God reigns and has promised to restore all of creation one day.  That is something to long for, to hope for, to anxiously await. 

This family asked for prayer throughout their ordeal, this terrible journey they had to take.  They offered up praises to God each day, and then offered up needs.  There were many, many people, total strangers who were responding to this.  People all over the country, even outside of the country who had found out about Cora and were praying. 

It is a mystery why God answers prayers the way He does.  He gave Cora a stable day, her final day.  She must have passed away sometime between midnight and 7:45 this morning.  The post that is just prior to the one you see above (which is so beautiful in its simplicity) gives no indication that she would lose her battle so soon, so suddenly.  I've wondered if her parents were able to hold her in those last moments.  I hope so.  Oh, how I hope so.  But it seems so abrupt.  And although there was no cure, He did heal her.  He gave her little body, beaten by chemo treatment, and surgery, and drugs, rest.  She will not hurt anymore.  She will never suffer again.  Maybe there can be comfort in that.

Maybe her little body just couldn't take all that was happening.  And now she is at rest.  And one day she will be restored, her body will be healthy again.  Maybe there can be comfort in that.

As to "what kind of a thing this is"...we are the body of Christ, called to carry one another's burdens, and although there can be information overload with the internet, there can also be access to fellow believers who can help carry the heaviest of burdens to the Lord and help give them over to Him.  Maybe there can be comfort in that.

My little girl is here with me.  My other two kids are in Sunday School.  I will go over and pick up my eight year old and head to worship.  My 18 month old is shouting behind me, in her high chair.  She's happy, she's drinking milk, she's smiling at me and talking-I'm not sure what she's saying.  Ah, she says,"Hole-shoe" which is "hold you."  I think I will...

cancer

what a monster you are

stealing

life

sometimes you leave death

sometimes you leave pain

sometimes you leave sorrow

when will you just leave

there is someone bigger than you are

Life

Giving

What a Saviour He Is