Friday Night

All three kids are in Michaela's room so that they can listen to the marching band at the high school around the corner. That's pretty sweet. 

It's Friday night (hence the marching band) and I'm about to learn about diagramming sentences. And I'm going to like it. Who is wild and crazy?! I am, that's who!

We have had some amazingly gorgeous weather. The kids have played and played and played outside at the church playground after I pick Christian up from school. 

Michaela likes learning Latin. I'm jealous...I wish I had learned Latin when I was her age. I think I would have liked it too. (See second point.)

Eliana loves doing her math. It's color by number. When does math get more fun than that? (I'll give you a hint: Never.)

She also loves going over her geography facts, and knows more about where ancient empires were than I did even by the time I was in college. It's pretty awesome to hear her response when I say,"Tell me about the Hittite Empire." She says, without skipping a beat,"Hattusa Hatti (and circles it on the map), Asia Minor (and circles it on the map), also known as Turkey (and circles it on the map)." Then she moves her dry-erase marker down and makes an "x" as she says,"Arabian Desert." Then she puts a final "x" on Cyprus and names it too. Cracks me up. 

I bought some cute clothes with birthday money. I'm trying to deviate from my jeans-and-t-shirt uniform. One thing I purchased is a cotton dress; it is white with medium sized navy stripes. I told Michaela that I was planning on wearing it with a red cardigan. She raised her eyebrows at the thought of this bold fashion move (Or did she just think it was preposterous?), and repeatedly asked me one of the following questions: "Are you really going to wear a red cardigan with that?"; "Do you have a red cardigan?"; "Do you really have a red cardigan?" I'm wondering if she knows what a cardigan is. She could not wrap her head around this combo I proposed. 

Now I'm off to figure out once and for all when a prepositional phrase is an adjective and when it is an adverb. I've got the marching band in the background, so it's a pretty intense evening.

Your Love Is Like Water Flowing From a High Place...

I used to be sad because I read the book on the five love languages and realized at the end that I didn't have a love language. I wondered what that meant for me, and how that must be affecting my relationships.

But then I discovered what my love language is: household appliances, small or big. (And probably KitKats...but that's a story for another post.)

We got a new faucet recently, and Mike installed it the other day. Happy, happy day!

It's purty.

The best part is it's super tall. We had a high faucet in our other houses here, but there was a miscommunication during our last move, and we did not end up with our super tall faucet from that house. I was bummed. I really liked that one...super tall! I like to put my big stock pot under the faucet without having to dip down in the sink; you can fill it with more water. I also like to hand-wash dishes (no, I never like to hand-wash dishes...but when I HAVE to do it I like to be able to keep them...) out of the sink, so that they aren't touching the sides at all (like big pots or my griddle). (Yes, I have a lot of issues. They make me charming.) 

After Mike finished installing the faucet and soap pump (Who loves a soap pump built into the sink? I do, I do!), he went the extra mile and scrubbed the sink with Barkeeper's Friend. That stuff is like magic, y'all. It's something I've been meaning to do (my list of meaning-to-dos is pretty long) but never got around to (read: never wanted to take the time). Today, I kept looking at the sink and thinking how roomy and bright the new faucet made it all look. Then it hit me! It was actually cleaned up. Before, there were gray scrapes all over from my pots, and there were random rust-colored stains from stuff like bean cans that I left in there too long (you know, because the recycling trash can is sooooo far away). It looks so nice now!

And I have just shown you pictures of my sink. All kinds of crazy exciting around here, don't cha know? It's funny how a little thing can make a big difference. I'm thinking home improvements are fun...someone better put a stop to this quickly or I'll be looking at paint colors and checking out window replacements and wooden blinds before you can say,"Home Depot"...

Do You See What I See?

I mean, do you see what I see?!

Because I think I see Christmas lights!

In the middle of October!

We don't even have all of our Halloween Fall Fun Fest costumes figured out. 

I did just realize that I have a nativity set on the piano, and a wreath made of poinsettias outside next to the front door. Maybe I'll shut up now. 

What is worse? Never taking stuff down, or putting it up way too early? Isn't October a little early for the fully lit yard (and believe me when I say this was a professional job, and it was a FULLY LIT yard)? 

In case you're wondering, you better believe that I'm leaving my stuff up, because why bother to take it down now? Christmas is just around the corner. Literally.

The Chief End

(Note: I discuss sensitive issues in this post related to my past struggles with depression...just a heads-up in case that is too much for you today.)

Today I almost lost it in the car. I was very close to bursting into hysterical, sobbing tears because of the cancer that I am afraid I have, and I knew I couldn't start blubbing because I would likely crash which would cause a lot of problems for a lot of folks, and also because I didn't want to freak the kids out.

Oh, and also because I DO NOT EVEN HAVE CANCER (that I know of).

Something got me started, though, and pretty soon I was imagining the conversations I desperately needed to have with Michaela, and how imperative it now was that I start working on her quilt right away, as soon as we got home, so that she would have it to remember me by. I started tearing up thinking about how I wouldn't be around to help them with homework or prepare for their first dances or celebrate their wedding days. I thought about how sorry I was that I had wasted so much time, and not enjoyed them more. And I regretted every time that I have ever wished I were dead. 

There have been a lot of those times. It's something that seems incomprehensible, even to myself, but in those raw, terrible moments when a despair that is beyond reason pushed me to the edge of rational thought itself, and self-hatred (for a time) was victorious over all of the truth that I know, the thought of not existing anymore seemed like the only way to get relief. When I am no longer in that irrational place, I recognize that it is the epitome of selfishness. A little over a year and a half ago, I believe I was at the lowest point I had ever been. I was able to find a way out of that pit, and since then, I have been able to fight the downward spiral before it gets so devastatingly deep. Today I felt such sadness for all that wishing myself right out of the lives of the precious people in my family. As I blinked back those crazy tears, I felt a renewed sense of commitment to live! 

I want to live! And with purpose! 

Recently, Mike has been discussing the Westminster Shorter Catechism with the kids, and the first question is,"What is the chief end of man?" The answer that follows is,"Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever." Michaela had some interesting first thoughts on this; her initial response was an objection. Her thoughts were something along these lines: how can our chief end [main purpose] be to glorify God, because aren't we supposed to be out and about in the world, engaging with other people who aren't necessarily believers? Her supposition was that glorifiying God took place in church. In her mind, the catechism was saying that we were supposed to go to church and sing songs all the time. So, we talked about how it might look to glorify God if it were, indeed, our chief end, and not just something that took place on Sunday morning in a worship service. We also talked about the meaning of the word "enjoy" as well as the word happy (or happiness). Those are pretty loaded words today, and can mean a million different things. 

These conversations have been thought-provoking for me. There are so many ways that I manage to accomplish everything but my chief end, on both counts. What goes on in my mind and how I act during any given day often do the very opposite of glorify God. Neither do they bring me much enjoyment. What blessings could come if I would refocus. I think regularly about the verse in 2 Corinthians that calls us to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." My thoughts are more likely to be accused of being captive to a pirate. 

The Bible is very clear about several things. Fear has no place in the life of a person who has been saved by the Father in Heaven. Despair can be transformed into joy, even though it be a process that takes a lifetime. Our time here on earth, the broken vessels that we may be, is eternally significant, but it's also meaningful now. 

So, I do not need to be afraid of cancer. Real or imagined. I can take my despair to the Lord who walks with us through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. I can strive each day to dig deep into what it means to glorify God in every single thing I say and do, make it a holy struggle to take captive the thoughts that lead to my actions, and live out this faith that has captured me and claims to make me whole.

Living is the key. I want to live. I want to live for Him. I want to make Michaela's quilt. I want to help Christian with his math homework (even if I have to use the "Family Math Notes"). I want to teach Eliana to read and write. Help them get ready for church. Help them navigate social media. Help them dress for a date. Listen to them and guide them as they figure out relationships (because I can tell them a LOT about what NOT to do) (ha!). Listen to good music with them. Listen to them play wonderful music on their own. Be with them when that person hurts them. Be with them when that financial lesson is learned. Be with them. Just be with them. 

And I haven't even mentioned Mike yet, or my parents, or my in-laws! Or the sweet friends that I have been blessed with!

There is a lot of living to do, am I right?!

The funny thing is, as I began this post, I was trying to get the kids headed toward bed too. All I wanted was for them to be somewhere else! This is a challenge for me, this business of living the life that I am called to live. I know it's not any more of a challenge than other people might have. And I know there are folks who are facing quite the difficult trials, or that deal with things on a daily basis that would rock my little world to the very core. I'm just saying I want to try. I would like to make this effort...to tell my kids that they are of the utmost importance, to show Christ's love to other people who might not know about it otherwise, to take my responsibilities as a Christian wife and mother much more seriously. 

I have no idea if what I just said made much sense. It was much clearer in my head before I wrote the first paragraph! And speaking of bringing glory to God in all that I do, I really need to run and finish some things around here tonight before I go to bed, because I am sure that waking up tomorrow, rested and ready to do all that I need to do, is a good place to start.

It's Like I'm on Wipeout, But I Have No Helmet

You might think I exaggerate when I write about feeling like my house is an obstacle course.

There are times when I use hyperbole. This is not one of them, friends. Not at all...