Personal

What a joy it is to know that God is so involved in our lives, and orchestrates the smallest things, so that we can know even more, be even surer of his presence, his activity, his very personal attention to us.  It is true from me stopping at Sam's on a whim and picking up a truckload (or small van load) of meat and other food so that I was prepared (completely uncharacteristically) for a spontaneous dinner with some friends, to the devotion that I did with Michaela tonight which spoke to my fears about germs.  Seriously.  What is really amazing is how pointed it was to me that God was in it all. 

When the kids shouted out that we should have dinner together and we went downstairs to start that dinner (me and the other mom) she said,"Are you sure you have enough food?"  I opened the fridge and pulled out the three pounds of ground beef I had just bought, pointed out the bag of salad that was in there (that usually is NOT), and then she noticed the six loaves of whole grain baguette-type bread that I had purchased today.  Dinner was not a problem.  I even had a gallon of Breyers ice cream and homemade chocolate chip cookies, left over.  I mean, come on!  Left over?!  That just doesn't happen.  (With the cookies, not the gallon of ice cream.)

Now.  I have issues, right?  This is pretty common knowledge.  But my issues make it hard for me to do things like have impromptu dinners with guests.  I have a hard time being hospitable because of my stupid germ thing.  I was having some anxiety later in the evening (when getting my kids to bed), and was very irritable, because I was mad at myself for robbing my own self of my joy, the joy of having friends over, of doing life in a way that felt like community.  (It felt a bit like when we lived in Princeton.) 

Background info:  the devotions Michaela and I are doing are in a book which you are supposed to start on January 1st and do each day throughout the year.  We started late, on February 13th; since we did that our plan was to do two each day until we caught up to the day that we started.  So, on the 13th of February we did January 1st as well.  I can't tell you how many times even the make-up devotions have been EXACTLY what I myself needed to read and hear.  IT HAS BEEN WEIRD.  In a great, God-is-so-here-in-my-life kind of way.  Tonight was just like that.  The first devotion we did was from February 5th, our make-up devo for the day.  It was called...are you ready for this?!  "The Grumpy Germ". 

Are you laughing?  "The Grumpy Germ". 

The Scripture was from Exodus and Numbers, the parts where the Israelites complain to Moses; first about being led out of Egypt to die in the desert.  God sends quail and manna.  Then they complain about the manna!  The lesson pointed out that complaining is like a germ, it's contagious.  But being thankful can help wash that grumpy germ away.  Goodness, this is all so...tied together, even with the book I spoke about previously (One Thousand Gifts).  The lesson for me was three-fold.  My grumpiness was just as contagious as the Israelites', and just like a germ, that attitude spreads from person to person quickly.  But germs can be washed away, the grumpy germ just like the germs we spread with our hands...when we thank God we exchange grumpy for grateful.  One of the things that Ann Voskamp says over and over and again in One Thousand Gifts is that thankfulness, deliberately thanking God for all of the blessings in our lives, naming them each one up to a thousand and then more, will transform a life.  It will wash away the grump, the grumbling, the selfishness and the ungratefulness.  With thanks comes joy. 

God knew when we started the devotionals, even with the doubling up of the days, that on this day we would get to February 5th and it would be just the thing I needed to hear.  (Don't be a smarty-pants and think,"Well, any day would be a day when that would be the thing you need to hear,"!)  (I know that's what you're thinking...'cause I thought it too!)  The realization of his providence, how intricately he weaves things, has come again and again, and it always makes me full of wonder.  Silly me. 

Then again, I hope I keep the wonder.  God is wonderful.  May we be wonder-full.