The Long and Short of It
Friday, November 19, 2010 at 12:04AM Even when Michaela was little she had long, beautiful, blonde hair. I didn't take her to get a haircut until she was three years old. I didn't want to even then, but it was starting to look a bit straggly in the back, and I hoped that the hairstylist that I took her to would merely trim off the ends, while managing to keep the general shape of her hair. It had been growing out since she was born (duh) and it had some lovely natural layers. The front was shorter than the back in a way that I often wanted my own hair to do! It was so pretty.
When we got home from her first haircut I noticed that the back had a crooked curve to it. It seemed longer on one side than the other...and rather than leaving well enough alone I took a pair of very sharp hairtrimming scissors and made an effort to even out the back of her hair. I set the scissors down on a table that was in her room. It was a small dining table that we had replaced with a larger dining table a few years before. Now we used this smaller table as a desk. (Mike used it, that is. I didn't study at all at this point. I was doing well just to get my teeth brushed each day and make sure the kids ate a vegetable with at least one meal and played outside some.) I tucked her in bed, read, and turned out the light.
I suppose I got Christian to sleep, cleaned up in the kitchen, and maybe started a load of laundry. Those were the normal things I did each evening. A while later I went to check on her; as I entered her room I noticed she had her arm wrapped around something, much like some children hold a stuffed animal as they go to sleep. When I stood next to the bed I could see that it was a red plastic drinking cup. Odd. Where did she get this cup? I leaned in and gently took the cup from in front of her. I saw that something was in it.
Oh! The scissors that I had left on the table, along with a small ball, were in there! My heart sank...I quickly turned on the lamp next to her bed and saw that the ball was made up of lovely blonde strands of hair. I looked at her very carefully and saw that she had managed to cut her hair 1) without cutting her ears off or slicing her forehead, and 2) without changing the way it looked all that much. I was very upset, but also a little impressed that she cut her hair at an angle at such a young age! (I tried doing that in college and never got it right.) In the light I could see small golden flecks all over her pillow and on the bed near the pillow. I woke her up and told her never, never, never to cut her own hair again.
I felt terrible for leaving the scissors there in the first place...what on earth possessed me to do that? At that point it hadn't occured to me that she would take them up, in the dark!, and cut her own hair. First-time-mom alert! I put the scissors away properly, and had the "never cut your own hair" conversation with her several (hundred) times after that. I was sure she got the message, after such consistent (obnoxious) repetition.
Fast forward a few years. Michaela is almost ten years old now. She got bangs cut the summer before last, and loved them, but then (OF COURSE) wanted to grow them out. (Okay, I admit, it was probably mostly my fault, since I never got them trimmed for her...they were annoying, in her eyes, and she just wanted to let them grow out again.) So, a year and a half later her bangs were down to her chin, but not quite long enough to stay put behind her ears or in a ponytail. Did I mention ANNOYING? I took her to a haircutter and tried to have her hair blended a bit, so that her bangs weren't so very separate from the rest of her LONG LONG hair. I understood her frustration...her bangs just ended, in a choppy kind of way, and then the rest of her hair hung down about eight inches.
One day Mike (or was it Christian? I don't remember.) said to me something like,"And did you know that Michaela cut her bangs?" I was shocked! After our many conversations! She looked at me with guilty eyes and hung her shoulders forward and slumphed out of the room. I didn't say anything since I could see that she felt bad about it already.
Then, a couple of night later, I was tucking her in and noticed some little golden flecks on her bed. I also spotted, with a quick glance, a pair of kid scissors on her bedside table. Just like Sherlock Holmes might have done, I asked,"Did you cut your hair again?" She looked very disgruntled...I'm not sure if it was because she was remorseful for doing something that she was absolutely not supposed to do (twice!) or because she got caught. I knew that since she was taking matters into her own hands that it was pretty serious, and I needed to take charge of this willy-nilly haircutting. I sat down next to her and we had another conversation. I told her that if she kept cutting her bangs they would definitely not grow out. I gave her a couple of options: let her bangs grow as they were now, and it would be irritating, but eventually they would get longer; or cut her hair so that it was all one length and then let it grow back out all together. Also, if it were long enough she could donate it.
She thought about it for around two seconds and said,"I want to cut my hair short!" This surprised me since previously when I brought up the subject of even trimming two inches off of her hair she threw her hands up over her head protectively and cried out,"Never! You will not cut my hair at all, not any, no haircuts!" Or something like that.
I called my haircutter (hairstylist, whatever) and made an appointment, which I mentioned the other day had to get rescheduled. Yesterday was the day of the new appointment. As she sat down in the chair I told her she could change her mind, but she remained firm in her resolve to shorten her golden locks.
She also said she wanted bangs.
For a second I thought she was trying to make my head explode, since the whole point of getting the short cut was to even it out so that her bangs could grow as part of her normal hair. But in fact, she was serious. We talked about it and decided to take one step at a time. Considering bangs was tough for me. I want to balance the whole "being comfortable in your own skin" thing with "accepting wise advice from your mama" thing.
Heather (the stylist) started conservatively. The length of hair that was getting cut was not long enough to donate. If we had done this at the end of summer (before I trimmed Michaela's hair myself) it would have been. Oh, well.
Heather did exactly what we asked her to do...
She finished the haircut and it looked great...so very cute. Honestly, Michaela looked a lot like Kitt Kittredge (the American Girl). And then she looked at me and, with pleading eyes, said,"Please, please, can I have bangs, please, please, please?" I went around and around in my head, and both Heather and I told her that she was going to be right back in the same place again. She told us that she wanted to keep the bangs and that she would like a change. Could she please, please, please, please get bangs?
Well. I really felt stuck as a mom. It seems so silly because it's just hair. But, at the same time, hair can be such a huge deal! In the end I gave her a go-ahead; I had been telling her that I wanted her to voice her opinion, and that it was her hair and I wanted her to get the haircut she really wanted.
She was happy.
It's hard to let go. But I didn't cry, so I thought that was pretty good.
Reader Comments (9)
Hair is a big deal! It's puzzling. She looks so, so, cute. For some reason I've missed two comments you've left about geese and I think muffins. I have no idea how or why my blog is hiding them from me. Thank you for leaving them!
It is really cute and you are a brave mamma to let her do it, I know how you felt about her hair. I had that exact same haircut in college, I'll have to show her a picture. And I remember the summer I started growing out the bangs...I was 22 years old and wearing a headband everyday.
I absolutely LOVE it. Such a flattering cut on her pretty face. :)
Love it! It's so cute! I can relate to not wanting to cut it. We haven't cut Harper's yet.
kind of creepy how much she looks like you now with blonde hair...
I think that every mom has to go through the stage when the kids cut their own hair. Emma used to have these beautiful blond ringlets and I didn't cut her hair until it was down to her knees! Your daughter's haircut is darling!
Very cute!
Good job letting go a little :)
She looks beautiful!
I love it:)
That process had to have been hard!
Good job for loving her through it and
letting her choose.
Oh my goodness, Christina. Michaela looks so old! I would be emotional about the hair, also. I remember the first time Cambria had bangs. It freaked me out.
Please tell Michaela that I love her haircut. She looks just like Kit Kittredge.