Living
Monday, August 29, 2011 at 10:14PM In the midst of looking through and sorting out the pictures I took while we were on our trip (and a few that Wendy took, too...which are better than mine; I might be handing her the camera next year) time keeps slipping by. Christian has started back to school, we have enrolled Michaela and Eliana in a weekly class that is designed to complement what home schoolers are doing at home. We are still adjusting to the routine that comes with the start of a new school year. The summer has ended, even though it is still well over 100 degrees here everyday. And I find myself living in the past as I peruse the photos, remembering the fun we had, or looking very forward to the distant future as I contemplate the thought of one day not having to get children up early for school, make lunches before 8am, or constantly sweep up the crumbs under the table.
As I think about that future time, a time when children are no longer at home, I hear the voices in my head (just barely, over the yelling and ruckus which is often occuring all around me, sometimes happy, sometimes not) reminding me that one day I will ache to hear those little feet running through the house, and to feel those sweet arms cling to my neck, and even to hear the noise and see the toys scattered all around. It is so easy for me to long for quiet; to long for clear coffee tables, and no dirty underwear flipped inside out in every bathroom and sometimes in the bedrooms; to long for smaller laundry piles and less dishes to do at the end of the day.
I have to pause. I have to tell myself be here now. Even when I don't want to be, even when it's hard to be. I have to remind myself that life is not happening in the past, and I can't make the future get here faster. Life is now. Life is around, behind, and right in front of me. Life is that giant pile of laundry, the cooking and the sweeping, the shuttling and the school work. It is dealing with bad attitudes, sassy girls, and surly boys. It is listening to my kids say to me,"You're awesome," as well as,"You're a meanie." It is feeling the spontaneous hugs, hearing the hysterical laughter, cleaning up the forts after a couple of days of having no couches to sit on. It is watching baseball games together and matching up socks; it is cleaning toilets and going grocery shopping. It is all of the work, the tears, the laughter, the anger, the love, the frustration, the joy, the difficulty, the fun, the effort, and the heartache.
And I'm supposed to exercise in the middle of all that? Maybe in the future...meanwhile I will try to be present for these noisy, messy, full-of-life days.
Reader Comments (4)
Wow. Thanks for that. I too long so much for order and quiet and time for myself. And sometimes get so frustrated by the clutter and noise and stuff that seems to make days seem impossible. It is important to live in the now. And so many times I forget that. Thanks for sharing exactly what I have been feeling.
I'm always struggling with living in the moment. I find being outside helps - nothing like nature and fresh air and sunshine to bring now alive.
Beautifully written. Thanks for the much needed reminder!
Your last line made me laugh so hard! It's too true, all of it. I know just how you feel. My best friend bought me a wall stencil with the words: Life is Now. Guess what? It's sat for YEARS because I keep thinking I'm going to re-paint the wall. I'm saving it for the future. Aren't we silly creatures? And what in the world are we going to post about when our house echoes with only our footsteps?