"I've Got to Learn How to Be Strong Again..."
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 10:53PM I have felt gross all night. The irony lies in the fact that I made grilled cheese sandwiches with honey wheat bread and havarti, and served it with chicken noodle soup. (You may be wondering why this is an ironic juxtaposition of facts, but if you knew what I've been serving for dinner it would make a great deal of sense.) Now, the soup was from a can, but it was the elite chicken noodle soup. Not the wimpy chicken noodle soup. It was all very tasty, and I thought,"At least there are carrots and celery in the soup! Vegetables!" I don't know why I feel so yucky, except for the days upon days (read: months) (okay, read: years) of horrible eating of which I am profoundly guilty.
Now. I know that I am not overweight in any dramatic sense of the word, however I have gained a significant amount in the last two and a half years, so that pants that I could wear a year after my third child was born, I can no longer pull up past my thighs. While I am not happy about this gain because it is expensive to buy all new pants out of necessity, I am also seriously uncomfortable with how I feel. And I don't mean how I feel emotionally (That is a whole separate blog post. Maybe even blog.), but how I physically feel. I feel bad, like my body hurts. Especially around my middle.
This kind of frightens me.
I was lying down with Eliana tonight, as I do in order to get her to sleep (and I won't lie, I enjoy resting for a few minutes before tackling the other things I have to do each night) and my legs kept twitching. I thought,"I have Restless Legs Syndrome!" which may or may not be true, but I do not doubt that were I to exercise each day, walk around the block, get on our spin bike, go up and down the stairs twenty times in a row (wait, that might make me pass out...walking sounds good), my legs might be more inclined to lie still rather than jump around like so many fish on the deck of a boat, trying to get back into a place where they can live and breathe.
Hey! That ended up being a pretty good analogy. I did originally write "dock of a boat"...I'm relieved I caught that because what a ridiculous mistake that would have been to make. Can a boat have a dock? Maybe it can. At any rate, my legs are unruly. I know I need to exercise. And eat more salad.
What is the point of this post? I don't know exactly, because I don't make resolutions. I mainly want to say I will start exercising, but I'm a little scared to say that because then I have to do it. I would really like someone to exercise with me, but I have tried finding someone and didn't get anywhere with that. So, I think I might be on my own.
("once again now.
One more time,
By myself.")
I'm just going to have to do it. Because I have got to start feeling better. I don't like this at all.
Does anyone else add song lyrics to their thoughts frequently? Or song titles? Like a running musical commentary on my own stream-of consciousness. Or is that just me?
Reader Comments (8)
I have been thinking the same thoughts as you lately. I finally started exercising again. Just a little, though. And I just started this week. Hopefully, I can stick with it. Starting is hard, but I have already done that and feel better about myself for making the commitment. You can do it, too. While I'm not there to offer my physical support, I will support you through cyberspace.
I HATE that feeling of being uncomfortable in/unhappy with your own skin. I'm so sorry you're feeling that way. And exercise STINKS. The only way I can do it is because we got a hand-me-down treadmill and plopped it right in front of the TV. I guess my love of TV is greater than my distaste for exercise. So, no great ideas or secrets for making exercise awesome... but plenty of empathy. Anyway, good luck!!!
i'm with you girl. trying to make up excuses to not go to the Y today, but when i go and i am sore from exercising as opposed to just sore from old age and out-of-shapedness, it feels so good!!!
i'm also with you on the song thing. always.
Thanks ladies!! I am going to start soon. We have a bike that I am going to ask MIke to move when he gets home, so that it will be in front of a TV. I used to ride it (in another house) and watch movies. This was AFTER a couple hours at the gym...what happened to me?! haha It does feel better when I do it...just gotta get started!
My legs do the twitchy thing too. I hate that.
Ummm... I think I've written this exact post before. I know *exactly* how you feel. Ugh! Is it SO wrong to just want some liposuction already?! Okay, yes, it is. I know. And it's really gross (the procedure). But man... I want an easy button. That probably says it all. I told my husband that I am motivated by balls. That sounds really bad but I'm talking about sports. I like to run after a ball. I think I need to take up tennis.
OH I so know that feeling when the jeans get too snug. It's yucky! Going out for a nice walk would probably be so good for me right now--it's just finding the time really. I need to make time! If you do it, I will. :)
How did I not know you were blogging again? If you start exercising, maybe you can cyber-ly kick my butt and get me to do it too. I need to, but I really don't want to! Summer will be here before I know it...aahhgg!