"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."
Monday, April 23, 2012 at 1:22AM Have you seen the little caption, or whatever you want to call it, that goes:
I have CDO. It's like OCD, but with the letters in alphabetical order-like they're supposed to be.
I think that's funny. I, if you didn't know, have OCD. On some days, I would tell you I suffer from it. On most days, I would say everyone around me suffers from it, too. (My OCD, not theirs.) I think a lot of the time I am pretty functional. By this, I mean that I go out of the house and do stuff. I go to the store, I let my kids play at the park (sometimes!), I am able to get on airplanes (barely). But the mental toll is high. I spend a lot of mental energy thinking about and worrying about things that would never cross another person's mind.
What is nonsense is that my house isn't all that clean. But our germs don't bother me as much as others' germs!
My obsessive-compulsive worries, and the rules that I come up with, tend to cause a bit of conflict. And a lot of laundry. But something that struck me the other day seems even more significant than that.
I realized (and not for the first time, but maybe for the first time that I really stopped to think about it) that my OCD robs me of joy. Then I thought,"It robs me of peace. And patience. Hey! And kindness, goodness, and faithfulness...also, gentleness and self-control. And love!" The fruit of the Spirit. I allow what seems uncontrollable (and possibly is, in some ways) to rob me of the fruit of the Spirit. Paul says in Galatians,"Against such things there is no law," but I have set up my own law that is indeed against such things! I rule them out. This is something I want to work on.
I know Paul is addressing the matter of circumcision, but I think the principle applies. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." He ends Chapter Five with this exhortation,"Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." I find that I often provoke the kids (and probably Mike, although he puts up with a lot of my quirks and does the things I ask of him when I am worried about germs), and I also envy those who don't worry about all the details that concern me. They are so relaxed!
I am typically all or nothing, so it would be very like me to say something nutty like,"I'm going to change all my ways, starting right now! I'm going to stop being so worried about germs, and I'm going to stop making my kids change their clothes all the time, and I'm going to stop washing my hands after I take out the trash!"
I don't see that happening, though (Especially that last point...ewww!), but what I'm thinking is that maybe I can make an initial small change, my tone of voice, which would likely have a very great impact.
Okay, I'm shifting gears here. The other thing that has been on my mind lately is my health. I feel bad ALL OF THE TIME. My stomach hurts, my head aches, my knee pops. This morning I stretched and pulled a muscle in my shoulder; it's still sore. My feet hurt, and my heart either feels like it's racing or like it's pounding hard but slowly. I am not that old! But I feel like an old lady. And I am TIRED OF FEELING LIKE POO. I must get in better shape. I have to start taking better care of myself. I need to stay active and busy. And I know from experience that I have better days when I do that, and of course, I feel better at the end of a productive day, even if I didn't accomplish all that I had hoped. I am planning on going to the doctor, too, in order to rule out something serious, like tumors or parasites. (Fellow hypochondriacs, you know what I'm talking about.)
My diet is part of the problem, but could be another blog post. I'll sum it up: It's bad.
So, I have no idea what I'm getting at, except to say that I'd like to make some changes for the better. And not just better for me, but for all of those around me. Maybe putting it here will help me take the action that I need to take! I know several of you who read my blog have made goals this year and are following through successfully...so thank you for your encouragement by example!
Convicted? Yes. Inspired? I hope so. Freed. That was the promise...
Reader Comments (3)
Christina,since you are convicted to start making changes, I know God will help you do it. I'm glad you are trying to start small. It's easier to focus on a few things instead of everything all at once. Good luck and I hope you start noticing things are better soon!
As long as you understand that OCD isn't so much a choice as it is an illness that could benefit from some professional help, I think that this is great. Maybe your first "baby step" could be to call the doctor. I know that that one is a gigantic hurdle for me. Why is making an appointment so hard?
You are so brave! I have a few of my own things I could write, but I haven't taken the step to put them out in the blogosphere because then I might actually have to DO them. :)