Twenty

My 20th High School Reunion was tonight, in Virginia. We have done other traveling this year, and are going to Virginia for Thanksgiving, so I didn't even attempt to make plans to attend. I have enjoyed being in touch with some people on Facebook in the last few years that I hadn't seen or talked to since I was seventeen. 

Twenty years ago.

That sounds pretty weird.

I am trying to remember what I thought when I was seventeen. I am sure that I was fairly naive. But I probably thought that I knew more than people gave me credit for, especially when it came to something like love. I'm pretty sure I didn't know as much as people gave me credit for when it came to things like math. At the time, I believed that I would end up on the mission field, at least for a brief period. I wanted to be a teacher (I had some amazing English teachers). I was ready for something new (college). I was sure that my peers still saw me as a frizz-headed super-nerd with glasses and braces; I wanted to go someplace else, somewhere that people decidedly did not know my name. A fresh start was waiting for me. I remember seeing our class picture, all of us (those who didn't skip school!) dressed in cap and gown. I scanned the photo, looking for myself (as most teenagers would). My face was hidden behind someone else's cap. I couldn't see me in the picture. I thought that was appropriate, since it seemed like I was invisible to my classmates most of the time. (High school...fraught with drama.) I dreamed of spending every summer for the rest of my life at Camp Alkulana. I just knew that I would have six kids (and I wanted all boys) ( ?? ). At seventeen, I wanted to be a faithful Christian, but I struggled with making good choices sometimes. I still loved New Kids on the Block, or NKOTB as we got older. I loved to write, and delighted in an angsty kind of way in being extremely dramatic in my poems and stories. I was somber and silly, all wrapped up together in a convoluted package. I was so young! And melancholy. And so silly!

So, what's gone on all these years? How have I changed? How have I stayed the same? What have I learned?

-I still tend to the melancholy.
-And the silly.
-On the other hand, I finally realized that I don't know much about love at all, and have a lot to learn.
-My math facts memory improved, and I figured out how to do percentages.
-I feel much less invisible now than I did back then.
-I still love Camp Alkulana, (But I'm not sure how I managed to clean the outhouse toilets there (a.k.a. CAPS))!
-I did end up being the mother of six children, but three of them got to be with the Lord sooner than the rest of us.
-Writing continues to be a therapeutic exercise for me...and it's likely that I still delight in an angsty kind of way in being extrememly dramatic. 
-I found out that getting married doesn't automatically equal being a grown-up. And that being a grown-up is harder than you think it's going to be.
-I learned how to cook. A little. Mike and I ate a lot of Ramen noodles, canned soup, and spaghetti with meat sauce the first year of our marriage.
-I did get to teach, but not in a classroom, rather, my kids at home.
-My main mission field has turned out to be my home. I'm still working on figuring out just what that means.
-I learned that God really does get me through the hard times. That sounds so trite, but I wanted to say it as simply as I could. The day-to-day things can flip me right out, but during those times that seem to be just about too much, I realize that they are too much for me alone, and I must wholly lean on Him.
-I was shown that I should never say never. I married a man headed for the ministry. A hairy one at that (man, not ministry...but that too, probably).
-I learned how hard sacrifice is. I'm still learning that one. And I'm not particularly good at being sacrificial, graciously.
-I realized that I am not as nice as I thought I was. When I was young, I was always "the quiet, nice girl." Getting married and being a parent showed me a lot about myself that was kind of alarming.
-Since I was seventeen, I have lived in college dorm rooms, my parents' house, an apartment with a friend, four apartments with Mike, and four houses with him. Nowhere really feels like home yet.
-I made some of the best friends in these last twenty years, between college and seminary friends.
-I discovered that, even though it is my calling right now, housewifery is challenging, to say the least. Apparently God doesn't always call us to the things we are well-equipped for. (Wink)
- Oddly enough, I'm still so young! At least, I often feel just like I did when I was seventeen. Only now I have gray hairs.

Twenty things for twenty years. It seems like a long time, and yet not. I wonder if I'll say the same thing after twenty more?

Comments

[Missy]

Someday, lady, we must meet up IRL! I was so sorry to read of the fact that 3 of your sweet children went to be with the Lord already. I could identify with a few things in your list. Truly. Ah, the drama of being 17! Perspective is a beautiful thing, isn't it? I'm glad God gives up this ability here on earth. Sometimes, it provides a giggle and a grin!

[Christy M.]

For the record, I wish you had been at the reunion with us!
You are on a very short list of people I'd very much like to see again...