The other day, yesterday in fact, but it seems like two weeks ago, I tried taking my kids to Target to get a few things. It's always just a few things, right? It was actually a SuperTarget because not only did I want to get another set of the cutest, most colorful washcloths I've ever seen, I also needed milk and some meat.
First I looked for the washcloths...I tried in the kitchen textiles section. No luck. I was bummed because this was the Target in which I had purchased my original set and I thought for sure I could snag at least one more. I love them for cleaning up Eliana after dinner, plus they are so bright and cheerful. Weird, I know. I admit, I was dragging the kids around the whole store, but we were moving quickly; at least, that was my goal.
They bickered and quarrelled and jostled and poked and argued and ran around and were loud until I finally felt myself turning the shade of red in that set of pretty, bright washcloths that eluded me, and in a nasty whisper I told them we were leaving the store because they were behaving so badly. I left without milk, without meat, and without anymore washcloths.
I did have the kids. That's something, right?
I was so exasperated, and I'm sure they were, too. They apologized in the car and I said that I accepted their apology but it didn't change the fact that I was not able to get the things that I really needed. I was quiet on the way home, and they were totally back to normal. Oh, for that instant get-over-it gene; I'm missing that one, for sure.
At any rate, after Eliana's nap today I decided to try again, because: 1)I'm totally insane. 2)I enjoy torturing my children. 3)We still needed milk and meat. And 4)Maybe the washcloths would have magically appeared in the store overnight.
The first thing I did after getting a cart was check out some of the summer stuff in the front of the store. It's all so, well, summery and cheerful...it's just plain fun to look at. Do you know what I found? I bet you are guessing the washcloths...and you're right! I was very happy to have found them. This trip had gotten off to a great start, so we pushed on and I realized that everything else I needed was in the immediate vicinity, meaning the grocery side, and so we wouldn't need to cavort all over the store into the clothing, the sporting goods, the electronics, and the toy sections.
I went up and down the aisles, and at first things were going pretty well. I got some basic things, new toothbrushes for the kids, toothpaste, and everyone was happy. Then I rolled over my toe with the shopping cart. Under normal circumstances, this is painful but I happened to roll over THE toe. The one that is still super sensitive and all mangled inside. I'll never believe that things are back to normal in there. I still can't put pressure on that particular tiptoe. Tiptoe?
It was all I could do not to cry and to keep moving. And things headed downhill from there. Eliana didn't want anyone but me to push the stroller, and someone had to push the cart. No matter what wheeled item we were talking about someone was fighting over it. There was screaming, growling, pushing, and behavior that I couldn't believe.
My kids know how to behave in a store. What is it that makes them turn into such maniacs? Is it the heat? Because it's plenty hot. Was there a full moon last night? I'd have to look into that; I don't know. Do they just hate shopping that much? Is it that much fun to push something with wheels?
I finally made it through the non-perishables, and as I was looking at the frozen foods Eliana's stroller collapsed, with her in it. And she didn't like it. Not one bit.
Right about then I felt like someone must be following me around with a camera shooting a video on "How NOT to Take Your Kids to the Store". There was actually only a little old lady looking at some frozen foods with the slightest smile on her face...she may have been thinking,"I remember those horrible days. I love shopping all by myself."
I got Eliana out of the stroller and had to carry her the rest of the trip. Why? Because I don't put her in a cart. This is my problem, and I may one day get over that, but today wasn't the day. I immediately headed over to the stroller section to get a new stroller because this one was going in the trash.
Of course, the strollers were all humongo or heinous. I don't need the giant one and I am not paying for the ugly one. So, I just headed to the cash registers instead.
As I began unloading my stuff I looked over everything in my cart. THERE WAS NO MILK AND THERE WAS NO MEAT! I screamed as loudly as I could and kicked the cart with my bad toe.
No, I didn't do that. But I wanted to. I calmly put all of my stuff on the conveyor belt and paid for my groceries. There were about ten bags, plus two packages of 12 rolls of toilet paper, and four 12 packs of Coke products.
The check-out lady began ringing up the next customer's stuff, and I began to load all my bags into the cart, while holding Eliana. Christian and Michaela noticed that the cashier had stuck a makeshift handle on the toilet paper packages, and they yelled out that they wanted to carry them. In his haste to get the package out of the cart, Christian tore the handle off of the t.p. Michaela was trying to fix it, and then the guy behind me started helping me load my bags. This kindness was greatly appreciated, although he was probably trying to get me the heck out of the way. It was like being behind a group of overtired, hungry monkeys.
As we finally headed out of the store Christian got angry about something and actually threw his package of toilet paper at Michaela's back. It didn't really hurt her, but it was something that everyone in all of the check-out lines could see. There was one woman in particular who was standing at the end of one of the lanes, with a huge grin on her face, as if to say,"Boys will be boys." Or maybe,"Better her than me." She looked pregnant, so maybe it was hiding her true thought,"Uh, oh." I hope she considers herself duly warned. I was practically in tears by the time I left the store. I felt like such a failure as a parent. I couldn't control my kids. I shut them up in their strollers. I didn't get them milk for breakfast.
We made it to the truck, they got inside, and I unloaded the bags. I thought to myself,"Even if I'm not the best parent in the world, I do look pretty cool riding in this truck." The van has a flat tire so I'm driving Mike's Titan around. It's as big as a bus. That thought ought to win me some parenting award, huh?
Once we were all settled and moving out of our parking space Christian piped up and told me he was sorry for his bad behavior. Michaela echoed him. I took a deep breath and thanked them, accepted their apology, but told them that it didn't change the fact that all the people in the store could see the way they were acting, and it reflected something about me as well. Here is where I know that I am at least in part thinking about this the wrong way. I know in my head that kids need to be taught to behave the right way not because other people are looking but because it is an issue of what's going on in their hearts. It's an issue of who they are before the Lord. It's not about me, and how embarrassed I might be because of their bad behavior. But I do not know how to impart that. I don't know how to make that a practical lesson. In the moment, I revert every time to the behavior and appearances mode.
They, of course, were laughing hysterically about some silly joke or game by the time we got close to home, and Eliana apparently had forgotten her traumatic experience. Although she did chant,"New stroller?" for a little while after the whole thing.
Now, once again, the house is quiet. Eliana is asleep. Mike has the kids at a baseball game. And I am alone with my thoughts. I'm thinking of how I'm often missing the target. And yet, as a person who deeply feels my own need for a Savior I keep coming back to the grace that I can find from my heavenly Father. The burden was carried by His Son. The victory was won on the cross. The triumph was realized after the grave. And I look, once again, to tomorrow and another chance.
Thursday, July 23, 2009 at 11:15AM 
