Mud Pies and Humble Pie

Around dinnertime things were not going so well here.  My two older children were in trouble for some bad behavior.  Eliana was eating, but all day she had been throwing temper tantrums; oh, yes, those here-come-the-two-year-old-temper-tantrums, screaming and yelling at me while flailing her body in all directions at once.  (How can babies turn into octopuses, squirmy messes, with arms and legs all over the place, that cannot be held?)  (I don't mean to offend any octopuses out there; sorry.)  I was thinking of the post I would put up later...kids for sale! it would just be pictures of the one fun time today, playing outside in a lot of mud.  I didn't have many good things to say, so I figured nothing said would be best.

I finally got to the point of putting Eliana to bed, which I have to say was a relief.  I gave the two big kids an order to find something quiet to do (how's that for direction), put Eliana in her own bed, and then lay down on mine (I know, this is a ritual that is going to come to an end soon, but I am not quite prepared for the hysteria of the ordeal...therefore, I stay with her until she is asleep, and rest my own eyes for a bit as well).  I could hear Michaela and Christian in our entry (a.k.a. the playroom) jumping rope.  Quietly!  Eventually, I didn't hear them anymore, so I was pleased that they had indeed gotten involved in some quiet activity.

Just as Eliana got very quiet and still herself I heard a knock on the door.  If I had high blood pressure, I would be in the hospital right now.  I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths and hoped that whoever that was would come right to their senses and go away; the closed door while I'm putting Eliana to bed signifies NO ENTRY!  NO KNOCKING! Oh no, there was another little knock, and following that the door swung open.  I thought I was dreaming.  Christian peeked his head around the doorway and I calmly said something about how that was not helping me at the moment.  He tiptoed in the room and said, so seriously and gently,"Here is something I made for you because I love you."

And the parents police showed up and took me away in handcuffs so that I could serve a lifetime sentence for my crimes of insensitivity, selfishness, and general mom-slackery.

I took the piece of paper he handed me, and asked him to please go on out, and he and Eliana said sweet good nights.  I was worried that she would flip out, because she totally could have.  She didn't, though.  She lay back down and went on to sleep a few minutes later.  I looked at the paper Christian brought to me...

Translation:  When I went to the zoo I saw a girl jump-roping.  It was my sister.  I saw lots of animals!  I loved them!  Love Christian  To Mommy

He had written me a story, because he liked to write stories now, he said.  When I came out of the bedroom, there was another paper for me, and he went to work on a third while I read a bedtime story to him.  He can be so sweet.   Earlier today I felt so frustrated and admittedly angry when he stomped out of the house in a major huff because I wouldn't let them turn the hose on outside-I don't want them to have fun, right?  I put on a pointy little party hat, and called on the pity-party brigade to come on by and join me in my pouty shindig.  I felt like I was on the other end of that proverbial fair-weather-friendship (or mommying in this case)...when things are going their way, then I'm the greatest; if things are not all as they prescribe, then I'm the poster-child for Bad Moms 'R' Us.   There were other instances of give-mom-the-attitude, but we managed to make it to the end of the day intact.  In fact, there was at the end of the day this beautiful gesture, this precious act.  It leaves me speechless.  That's funny, isn't it, after I just wrote 20 paragraphs about the whole thing.

I'm just like everyone else in this family.  I want what I want, and I get fussy when I don't get it.  I have a lot to learn about parenting; being a mom at this point in our life together is very challenging.  I compare myself to other moms that I know, or that I read about online, and I think,"You just don't measure up!"  The truth is I don't measure up to a perfect standard, but I also don't have to be perfect.  I may have said this before, but I am an all-or-nothing kind of person.  If I can't do it perfectly, I want to (and usually do) quit.  The kicker is I want to do it perfectly with very little effort on my part.  These things don't make a good combination.  I am aware of these flaws; they are always before me.  A lot of the time I want to work to make a change, and sometimes I want everyone to go away and leave me alone.  Part of what I enjoy about writing most nights is I am able to look at my perspective and often make adjustments, or see things in a better light.  Of course, the kids are sleeping and now I can't tell them I'm sorry for my own bad attitude, or for not knowing the right thing to say at a particular moment and being snappy.  I can look at my day (week, month, year) and see so clearly that I am in need of patience, forbearance, and humility. 

Looking at those three words...they speak to me of how my God deals with me.  I can only pray that tomorrow will grant a fresh start.

Lamentations 3:21-23  (after contemplating affliction and bitterness, the writer has this to say...)

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Well, here are the pictures I talked about so long ago, from outside in the mud.  They really did have a good time.  It's not my idea of fun, but I like to see them so happy. Eliana wrecking checking out the castles that her siblings constructed...

Some rain to wreak havoc on the castles, finishing off what Eliana started...

Delighted...

Can you imagine these fingernails?!

It started to sprinkle; I asked Eliana,"Where is the rain?"

There was also this moment I caught...the three of them singing "All Things Wise and Wonderful."

Eliana joined in with a little,"La, ah-ahh, ah, la, la, la..."

I think I'll go to bed with a smile on my face.

Comments

[jen]

Oh Christina,
You are a wonderful, delightful, beautiful, fun, caring, sympathetic, empathetic, LOVING, and dedicated mom. Don't ever question that! All moms fall short...there is no perfect mom. There is no perfect person. Period. But God did instill in us the "mother-God heart" so we do what we can as best as we can because we feel it is right. We are meshed as one with our husbands who carry the "father-God heart" and they provide a whole other set of features so that we can ultimately parent our children as best as humanly possible. Do not compare yourself to other moms...I used to do this...and then I'd award myself "most suckiest mom of the year award"...because I'm a perfectionist and I wasn't able to do EVERYTHING I saw a bunch of moms doing COMBINED. Yeah, totally unrealistic, right?
Your kids are very happy, smart, beautiful, and LOVING children...and they have a heart for God...I'd say you are doing fantastic in that ol' mom department! We all have our moments...don't let the enemy fool you into thinking you are anything less than AWESOME! ((hugs)) mama!

[Christina]

Thank you, Jen, for such encouragement!