Looking at Myself
Monday, December 6, 2010 at 10:11PM I don't like pictures of myself. I think I look not like me. It's easy to see a photo and immediately be drawn to all of my physical imperfections, the signs that I am aging, the mustache. I wanted to take on the I Heart Faces challenge this week because it was just that: a challenge. The challenge? A self-portrait. I don't often find myself on the other side of the lens, which is the way I like it (unless, of course, I am making some outrageous face...then I wreck the picture on purpose, and it's supposed to be awful).
I'm sure there will be some fantastic entries. There are some very talented and creative people out there. I thought that I would go the route of super simple.
This is me.
I am Christina. I am 36 years old. I have been married for 13 years and I have three children. Most of the time I love my husband and my kids; sometimes I want to leave them. I have lost three pregnancies. I struggle with depression and OCD, yet I love to laugh and to make people laugh. I believe that without the love of God and the forgiveness I have through Jesus Christ's life, death, and resurrection, that I would be lost. I fall down a lot (figuratively speaking...if we were speaking literally, I would have to say I run into things a lot). I have gray hairs. I have bags under my eyes, and crow's feet at the corners of my eyes (to the max!) when I smile. My eyebrows are uneven. My nose is a bit on the large side. I have a lot of spots on my face that I didn't have 15 years ago. I have a zit on my chin, which I find annoying. I have a mole on my cheek, which I kind of like. I slept in the shirt I am wearing, and kept it on today because it's very comfortable.
This is me. Unlike the photo, I am a complicated mess. I hope that I am in the process of becoming more comfortable in my own skin. At least as comfortable as I am in my gray shirt.
Check out how other people see themselves. It's going to be cool.
Reader Comments (11)
Christina, you make me laugh! And I can totally relate to depression and OCD and to depending on Jesus Christ for light in this dark worlld.....love your entry....very authentic! :) And you are not a mess...you are beautiful! I love your deep set eyes! Sorry, hope I don't seem like a stalker...ha!
And you're beautiful...just the way you are!
And you look topless if you just quickly look a the post...
Hope you have an awesome day in the Lord, not letting your past define you and resting in the hope that God has a hope and a future for you, and he has thrown your sins into the giant sea, remembering them no more!
Ahhh Christina...and all those things that you are is what makes you who you are and defines you.....a beautful woman, inside and out and who loves God and her family. Beautiful photo!!!
Only one word could describe the phote and the post: BEAUTIFUL!
Love you - dear, sweet one!
You. are. beautiful.
Um.
You may be complicated. Most of us are. You are not, however, a mess.
God does not make messes. :)
I like the picture and I like you.
I like your honestly. So many of us were saying "that's me too!", I'm SURE. I'm not brave enough to take my picture. I've been so sick I don't want to remember what it's done to me. But I got closer than ever to doing it after I read this post.
You're beautiful.
And I think everyone hates self portraits - I always have to push through my desire not to post them!
You are beautiful. Very.
I have several zits that Proactiv can't even seem to touch and I have about 16 hairs that perpetually pop out on my chin and neck. Why? Why does growing up have to mean growing a goatee? These things should not be synonymous.
And I struggle with a mild specific form of OCD in which I pick at my eyebrows.... sometimes I do it to the point where I look extremely lopsided in the eyebrow department. This is probably the thing I hate most about myself. And I'm very self-conscious about my weight.
I love how gritty and honest you are... even though you are too hard on yourself. Because really. You are very beautiful.