Another House to Home
Sunday, January 16, 2011 at 9:14PM Well.
We returned to Dallas one week ago. We drove up to our new house at 11:30pm (which is 12:30am in Florida). Since Eliana had slept the second leg of our trip, by the time we got inside she was wired. Christian was too, and I don't have an excuse for him other than he's Christian (he said he slept on the plane, but he was in the row in front of me and I have no eyewitnesses regarding that, so...who knows). The kids were excited to see their dad, and to see what he had managed to get in here, to check out their new rooms, and to make sure they could run a full loop through the downstairs.
The following day we jumped right into a regular week...Christian and Eliana had school on Monday, Michaela began her schoolwork on Tuesday, they had Bible Study on Wednesday, Christian went to karate, and I cried a lot.
See? Totally regular!
It is going to take a while to get used to our new life. The commute is just one part of it. Mike made three round trips last Monday in order to get Christian to school, take Eliana midday, and then pick the two of them up after school. He made the best use of his time by also picking up things from the old house to bring here each trip. I spent that day unpacking kitchen things and getting them put away. The rest of the week is a bit of a blur.
We drove in circles a lot.
Last night was the first night that I walked through this house and felt like I could imagine it as our home one day. Just the thought that it would happen made me happy, even though the reality is still that I am not 100% ecstatic to be here. I miss the big openness of the other house. I miss walking down the long hallway that runs through the middle it. I miss the old house, warm wood smell that is just like it smelled when I went up the stairs in my grandma's house.
I had a lot of hopes for that other house. When we first moved there, I imagined it would be a fresh start, with a place for everything and everything in its place. There was a lot of space, big rooms, big closets...turns out that space equals a lot of room for us to make messes! I think a huge part of my sadness is that my hopes were never fulfilled there, as far as what it meant to make the house a home. During one of the worst times of our less-than-two-year stint there, some of my friends made a valiant effort to bring order and a sense of well-being to the environment (I wrote about that here and here). But because of my depression and some other factors I was never able to maintain what they had done.
Now that Mike has finished his dissertation, and we live in a smaller house, and we are cleaning out our stuff (and not moving everything over at once...he went through everything that he could while I was in Florida, and has moved things over in an orderly fashion), I am once again hopeful that this can be a fresh start. I don't know how many fresh starts we get in our lives. When I stop and think about it, I am grateful for so many chances to begin anew. While it is so hard to say goodbye, to have to make this transition, to have to change so many things about the way we were living, it is also a chance to try again.
I have complained a lot since we've been here...I have to admit, the first few days were pretty awful (at least from my standpoint). I was miserable, and I was making everyone else miserable. Mike had tried so hard to do things in such a way that I wouldn't worry about the things that I always worry about, and all I had for him was griping. I am ashamed to say that. But it's true. I couldn't see past my disappointment in several (okay, dozens of) things, and I couldn't keep my mouth shut about it. He has been gracious while challenging me to look at our life positively (not the whole time...we've both been snarky). He has given me a lot of ownership regarding where furniture and dishes and other things go. I think that has helped me see that the time will come when it will feel like our home.
I haven't taken any pictures yet. Mike took this one, though. I called it a monument to what had been accomplished.
There are many more boxes to go, and much more furniture to be placed, and clothes to hang, and dishes to put away...but little by little we will make this house a home. And hopefully we'll call it home for longer than two years!
Reader Comments (8)
I figured you were up to your eyeballs in moving stuff. Glad to see you're making progress on it. Frankly, I need to move. I need a reason to throw out and organize. Ten years in a house makes for some scary closets!
Give Mike a high five from me. He's awesome.
One day at a time, one box at a time and you'll get there. Thinking about you...
No wonder you've been absent, good reason! Moving is HARD. Isn't it on the top ten hardest things in life? This post was really well written, so you've got your stuff together enough to be a great writer. Yay for a husband that gives you a head start, you'll get there. God is the King of fresh starts!
Boy, oh boy. Do I ever feel your sense of displacement! I am tired of it. I am so sick of starting over. We know we are moving again in June and while I have legitimate reason to believe it will be the last for a very long time, I dread moving again. It's so much emotional (and obviously physical) upheaval.
Praying you trust wholly in Christ as He takes you down the windy, debris strewn road of life!
Moving is so hard! I hope you feel settled soon!
We're right with you, Christina! :) One week moved in now. Boxes everywhere, smaller house, etc. But I am enjoying the fresh start as well.
It's been 8 months since we moved. Really? 8 months. That's shocking as I write it. Anyway, I am usually pretty organized but I still have a box here and there that we just haven't gotten to. It drives me crazy. There is a big one still in the corner of our bedroom. Ugh. But moving with young kids is hard and I have realized that it may just take a while to get everything in it's place and to be content with that. I'm really looking forward to a break next year when Anna heads to preschool for a couple mornings. And then maybe, just maybe I will feel organized again. So keep up the good work and just think, at least you aren't moving to a different city or state.
I think you'll have as many fresh starts as you need.
I hope your new home is filled with love and laughter and a little bit of a wood smell.