A Letter
Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 11:11PM Dear C and D,
You probably know that we have moved; since our new house is significantly smaller than the one we just left we are making a concerted effort to clear some things out and pass some things along that we no longer need. We have donated what we could to the Crowders' yard sale. When they came to pick up a lot of those things, we were listing what we wanted to get rid of, items which we no longer need, and our Pack 'n' Play came up. Ashley lit up and said she was so glad that we had one to donate because you had just been in touch with her and had wondered if anyone had given them a Pack 'n' Play yet. She offered to take it for us since they were going to see you tomorrow. I went inside (everyone was in our garage or driveway) in order to dust it off and put it in its carrying bag. As I took out the handful of random things that were in it, and removed the mattress, and turned it on its side in order to clean it up a bit, I began to cry.
This was Michaela's bed shortly after we came home from the hospital with her ten years ago. She slept in the bassinett when she was very tiny and then in the regular part when she was bigger. Christian slept in this Pack 'n' Play on many trips throughout the first two years of his life. This Pack 'n' Play was Eliana's bed until a few months ago. She is our last baby, and now our time for needing things like cribs and Pack 'n' Plays has passed. Our baby is three and a half years old now, and she has her very own twin bed.
There is a part of me that mourns this giving over of something that is seemingly not a big deal. Of course, there are the moments that I remember, the moments that actually happened and are firmly implanted in my memory, images of little sleeping faces, toes peeping out from bottoms sticking up in the air, knees tucked till they touch the chin. Images of stuffed animals lining the Pack 'n' Play like a small army protecting the one who is sleeping there. Eliana once fell asleep with a book on top of her chest...the title was Prayer for a Child, and I will never forget thinking,"She is literally covered in prayer."
Then there are the moments that will never be. You both know loss as I do. And you know of losses that I have never experienced. I think of those little fingers and toes, the toothless grins, the soft hair and cheeks, that will not be, in our home. But then I think of the sweet little life for whom you are preparing a home, for whom you have been preparing your heart, and I smile through my tears. I think of all of the love that your baby is going to know, and the beautiful real-life portrait of what God has done for us that you are painting for your baby, and my heart finds peace in knowing that our family gets to be a small part of that.
I pray God's blessing on this sleeping space. I pray his blessing on your lives as you carry out his calling for you. I pray that he will give you all you need as parents, from Pack 'n' Plays to wisdom in potty training (don't call me about that...I am no good at it!). I hope this little playyard/bed gets a lot of great use in your home. I didn't know how much was tied up in it for me until I began to take it apart. That's how it is sometimes, isn't it?
Much love to you both, and may God's grace be abundant in your lives as you wait for your new arrival and then transition into being a new family.
Christina
Reader Comments (6)
Perhaps one day you and Mike will be blessed as we are to have some more little fingers and toes belonging to your grandchildren. Love you. Diddy
Beautiful. As is your heart.
It is so hard to let the baby things go. I loved this post-so beautiful.
It's possible I'm a little hormonal today, but this post is so beautiful it's making me a little tear-y.
Very well-written. I have a whole roomful of things I'll need to re-home. I'm 46, it's time to let go of baby things. This post helps me to see that life goes on!
what a special post.
hope you're getting all settled.