Sunday Self-Portrait

I felt out of sorts all day.  Kind of fuzzy.

I was not patient, nor was I overly anxious to be involved in the affairs of my children.  I just wanted them to entertain themselves.  I felt guilty for it, too, as I've been thinking frequently of a verse shared by Lorrie the other day about working willingly for the Lord, whatever you do.  As a mom and housewife, I have to remind myself that the things I do around here, and the things I'm responsible for at home, matter...and I ought to do them as though I were doing them for the Lord.  Acts of service unto Him.  

Most of the time, that is not my attitude.  I often dread my housework.  It's not even that hard, what I have to do; I think the thing that gets me is that it's the same things over and over and over.  And not just the same kinds of things, but literally the same things:  the same toys spread out, the same dishes piled in the sink, the same underwear here, there, and everywhere.  It's the same unmade beds, the same chairs pulled out and left in the way (that one's my doing), the same shoes by the front door.  

Eliana got a little boo boo tonight.  Almost immediately, my attitude shifted.  The truth is, if something happened to one of my kids I would be devastated.  I know things happen in families, and they manage to get through it, through each day until years go by, and they keep living.  So, I hope that I could do that too.  But suddenly I was aware again of how much I love Eliana; not that I forget, but sometimes it gets lost in all the disaster in my mind.  When it surfaces so abruptly, so fiercely, I almost don't know what to do with myself.  

Truthfully, I've done a lot of things wrong when it comes to my kids.  But somehow they still want to claim me.  Tonight Michaela told me that she liked me.  I told her that was just one of the many great miracles that I experienced every day.  She laughed and said,"What?!  I love you!"  Recently Christian said out loud, to no one in particular,"Why does Mom work so hard all the time?!"  I laughed.  It was sweet.  I don't work nearly as hard as I should.  Here is a little reminder to myself that tomorrow is another day to work, willingly.  Maybe even cheerfully!

Comments

[Mindee@ourfrontdoor]

Yes! The never-ending sameness of it all! Sometimes it feels pointless doesn't it?

Pointless that is until you skip doing it all for a few days and then the point becomes very clear indeed. :)

[Lorrie]

I struggled with that today. We didn't get the snow day I was expecting and I had to go to work anyway. I didn't go to work willingly, but I tried to change my attitude and remember that verse.

[Kristina Zirschky]

Thanks for your openness. I love reading your posts. And can relate to them so much.

[missy jill (What's Going On Here?!)]

I totally get this!