Longing for All to Be New

As I read through this biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, my heart pounds. In part, I am acutely aware of how God moved in him and brought him to the understanding that he came to possess of what being a disciple means, and how far I am from that same deeply known, life-altering understanding. I am also anticipating what is to come: for him, for the Jews, and for all who find out about the extent of the horrors that took place, as well as for me once I am done with this book.

Shortly after his own ordination, he was sent to teach a confirmation class in North Berlin. The children that he was to teach, rowdy boys who drove off teachers in a way that brings the miscreant boys of Hardscrabble Hill to mind (from Farmer Boy), were so wild that they left other men in despair and even failing health. Bonhoeffer quickly got their attention, taught them well, and ministered to them with this teaching and by opening his life up to them. He preached the sermon at their confirmation, ending with these words:

I know that many of you know a great many of the hard facts of life. Today you are not to be given fear of life but courage; and so today in the Church we shall speak more than ever of hope, the hope that we have and which no one can take from you. (134)

When I read these words, I choked back a sob. This hope...this Hope...this HOPE is something that no one can take away. He confidently spoke of courage and hope at a time when it was becoming clearer, especially to him, that such things would be necessary for life itself. We know now what devastating storm quickly rolled into Germany, therefore such strong words of faith mean even more since we also know how he lived out his convictions, with courage and hope. And how much more can I, not knowing what uncertainties I might face, but being fairly certain that the difficulties in my life will not be of such great magnitude as those faced by Jews and Christians who supported them at that time, be courageous and full of hope for the days to come? 

I told Mike the other night that when I hold up my fears and anxieties next to those of the people who lived during the time when Hitler was in power, my own struggles pale in comparison. Actually, I couldn't come up with a word or phrase to describe what it was that I was thinking, and Mike finished my sentence with something like,"There isn't a word to describe how small..." and that was just it. What Jewish people faced, and what Bonhoeffer faced for his beliefs, teaching, and preaching, so diminishes my ridiculous, irrational fears...and yet, there they are, in my mind, in my body, even. 

I want that to change. And maybe it can, little by little. Sometimes I am afraid that it won't; in which case, I long for heaven all the more. And not only for that reason, but for all of the right reasons too. I long for all to be made right. For each person to be made whole and restored, not just to the person he or she was meant to be, but who each one is meant to be as a child of God the Father. 

With fear and trepidation, with deep respect and hopefully an open mind and heart, I'll keep turning these pages.