We Interrupt These Stories for a Stupid One Instead
Monday, June 27, 2011 at 10:51PM WARNING!! THERE IS THE POSSIBILITY OF TOO MUCH INFORMATION IN THIS POST! CONTINUE READING AT YOUR OWN RISK...
Alllllrighty then. Yet another tell-tale day that we are, in fact, who we are. And since I am the main writer of this blog I will keep the story-telling to myself. I mean, I will only tell stories on myself.
This morning I went to the doctor for the first time in way too long to tell you for a physical. I wanted to talk about several things; one of the most important things I wanted to discuss was my wacko hormones and ask if the nurse practitioner had a recommedation for an Ob/Gyn. I also wanted to talk about my inability to remember things and...well, I know there was at least one other important item at the top of my list. At any rate, I was left in the bathroom with specific instructions regarding leaving a sample. (I'll just say it. A urine sample. Who wants to talk about peeing in a cup? No one. But sorry, there it is.) In the time it took for me to get everything ready (write on the cup, blah, blah, blah) I forgot that I was supposed to do this one particular thing, and didn't remember until I was all done. And the nurse had just told me to do this particular thing just four minutes ago!
Darnit. That was only the beginning. I also forgot to mention to the nurse practitioner anything about the hormones and didn't bring up birth control at all (ah, maybe that was the other thing I was trying to remember up there). She told me to do self breast exams, go to the dentist, and remember I am normal when it comes to how I feel as a parent (i.e. that I am screwing everything up) (that I feel that way, not that I actually am screwing everything up).
As I got in the car I thought to myself all of the things that I had meant to bring up but didn't. I decided to make a list ASAP. It turns out ASAP can take a lot longer than you might think.
I returned home and did the dishes since it looked like the entire neighborhood had come by and had a bite to eat and a drink while I was gone. (That is what happens when you don't do the dishes before you go to bed...I don't recommend that. I know you are grateful for all of the free advice you get here!) Then Mike and I got ready to head out in order to pick up our new (to us) car. Before we could do that we needed to secure financing. (I don't know if that's the right way to say that, but it sounds good, doesn't it?) We took both vehicles (the truck, which is ours, and the rental). The plan: take care of the money stuff ("secure financing" definitely sounds better), drop off the rental, go to the dealer together in the truck, pick up the van and go our separate ways (which actually would be the same way since we were both headed to the church, I-to pick up the kids, he-to prepare for a meeting).
The first part of our plan went beautifully. We left our initial stop and headed to the car dealer. WAIT! That is not right! Mike called me soon after I had left and reminded me that we were actually supposed to go to return the rental. Good call, Mike! I made my way to the rental agency instead. Mike met me there and the car was returned without a problem. Nice! I moved from the driver's seat to the passenger's seat and Mike got in the truck and we went to the dealer.
Now. What is important to know is that I have been driving the truck. Mike has been driving the small Honda that we were renting. I liked being up high, and, well, I just felt cool driving the Titan. (Yes, I know that how I feel doesn't always line up with reality, but does that matter? Sometimes, probably, but not in this instance.) My set of keys had the truck key and my house key. Also one other key that doesn't come into this story.
Speaking of this story...Mike drove us to the dealer, we went inside, signed the papers, and the car was ours. Easy! ("Ours" in the sense that we are now paying for it and one day in several years it will, indeed, be ours. It's the already-but-not-yet principle applied to vehicle ownership.) We transferred Eliana's carseat, I hopped into the driver's seat, turned the key and off we went.
I have missed driving a van. How cool am I now?
I drove to the church in order to pick up the kids; Michaela was at a summer program and Christian was playing at a friend's house across the street. I pulled into a parking space, put the car in park, aaaand couldn't turn it off. The key would not turn counter-clockwise in order to turn the car off. I knew ahead of time that there was a trick. The particular car we bought has a key that you have to push in and then turn. Well, it wouldn't budge. I tried again and again. I depressed the brake and tried. I tried pushing the metal around the keyhole with my finger - nope. I called Mike to tell him that I was stuck in a car that I couldn't turn off.
I never got a hold of him, but I knew he was coming to the church so I pulled around to where he would park and waited a few minutes. He finally pulled into the parking lot and parked beside me. I told him of my predicament, and he got out and tried to turn the key himself. Wouldn't move. He looked some stuff up on his phone, and called the guy from whom we bought the car, and nothing we tried would make that key turn.
We bought the car-that-never-shuts-off. I had had a funny feeling about us buying a car; I just knew that we would end up with a car that had problems. This definitely fell into the "problem" category. I told Eliana we were going to have to stay in the car forever. She didn't believe me, but I was starting to think that was the truth.
I finally had to go get the kids, so I left Mike to keep trying. When I came back I didn't see him in the car so I went up to his office. He wasn't there, so I called and he told me the dealer was actually coming to help us. I waited in the church until Mike came to get me, because three kids in the van while dude is trying to show us how to turn our car off? NO. I followed Mike out to the van and he told me that turning the key is just hard, and you merely have to push and turn harder than you think you do.
Sigh. So, it takes a little more elbow grease than I was putting into it at first. In my defense, I certainly didn't want to break the key off while it was in the ignition.
Although that, too, would have made a great blog post...
I headed home at this point and Mike went on to his meeting. I picked up a few tacos for dinner (Taco Bell lettuce counts as a green vegetable, right? Yes?) and then pulled up in front of the house. I turned the car off (successfully!) and as I took the key out of the ignition it dawned on me that I had the keys for this new car. And that Mike had the truck keys. And that my house key was still on the truck key.
And I was locked out of the house.
Sigh.
Since Mike was in a meeting I couldn't get in touch with him (cell phones don't work in the basement of the church...what I found out too late is that I could have sent him an email and he would have received that, but not a text) so we ended up eating in our backyard (yay for new deck furniture) (no way we're eating tacos in our new car) and the kids played for a bit. I decided to take them to our friends' house; they live just around the corner and I thought they might not mind if we hung out there for a bit. I was hoping that Mike would get my message and I wouldn't have to stay long. When I showed up and explained what had happened they were very gracious and let us come in; actually, they have a pool and since the kids were in swimsuits (from the church program) our friends told them to jump in. The kids had a blast and burned off any excess energy they might have had. In fact, I'm pretty sure Christian burned off at least one-third of the energy he was supposed to have tomorrow morning.
Mike got my text after the meeting; it was past 9:30, the kids had dried off, and had finished a snack of popcorn. He called to say he was on his way home, and so I gathered up all of our stuff, gave our friend a hug, and thanked her several times for letting us spontaneously divert their quiet evening.
On our way home Eliana said,"Can I have my grilled cheese sandwich?" Oh. Right. I had forgotten to feed my youngest child dinner. Since she doesn't eat tacos I had promised that I would make her a grilled cheese sandwich instead. Two and a half hours earlier. To cap off our ridiculous day, I made my three-year-old dinner at 10:00 p.m.
I keep telling myself that the nurse practitioner said I was normal. It's kind of hard to believe that's true. But if it is, maybe I just need to tell myself all the time,"You are not the only one."
I'm not the only one, am I? Please tell me that I'm not! It might keep me out of a straight-jacket.
Now to make that list...
Reader Comments (5)
I have a very similar story. Bobby and I switched cars one night so of course I didn't have my house key, but didn't realize it until it was too late. The funny thing is that we had hidden a key in our garage (which we can get into with a code), but I didn't know where Bobby had hidden it. I only had John with me so we went out to dinner...still couldn't reach Bobby...went out for ice cream...still couldn't reach Bobby...played in the backyard...finally he called me back and told me where the key was hidden. So, no, you are not alone. I suggest hiding a key somewhere (that you know about).
Haha! I love that she got her cheese sandwich at 10 pm! That's classic! You are so not alone. I forget things seconds later. It's unnerving.
I love your stories; they make me seem like I'm normal, too. Sounds like you and the kids still had a nice summer evening! I would have totally been in panic mode, which definitely wouldn't have helped anything. Also, thanks for you sweet comment. God definitely knew what I needed to hear on Sunday.
Funny! You are definitely not the only one!
That sounds normal to me. I always walk out of the doctor's office having forgotten at least one thing. That's why those women magazines always recommend a list - which I never remember.
Yay for a new car and friends with pools!