To Post or Not to Post

I have started at least three posts with more silly pictures, and not been able to finish them; my heart wasn't in them.  So, here goes number four (I think).  Hopefully it will be an entire post.  I will also aim for coherence, but I'm making no promises there.

Through the many months that I have been blogging I have given a lot of thought as to what kind of blog I want this to be.  Of course, when I started it (I should say,"When Mike started it...", he's behind all the technical stuff), I wanted to give people like my parents and Mike's family a way to know what we were up to day in and day out.  I also wanted it to be a place where other moms could maybe find a laugh, a place that they might come to, read a little about our life, and think,"Whew!  We're not the only ones who [fill in the blank with any number of things...forget water bottles and soccer games; leave clean laundry sitting around for days; eat cereal for dinner; have "those days"]!"  Sometimes I thought that if I could make one person smile (or better yet, laugh out loud), and feel not so alone, then I would have accomplished something great.

These days I have struggled to find positive things to write about.  Or even negative things with a funny twist.  I hate saying that.  I know in my head that there are good things, but I'm not the person to write about them right now.  Most people would look at my life, our life here in Dallas, and not understand at all where I am coming from.  Shoot.  I don't even understand where I am coming from.  The main point I'm trying to make is this, though...for a while, I'm not sure what blogging will look like for me.  I might take a break.  I might post a few things here and there so that family members can see what things the kids are doing, since they are far away.  But I'm not sure that I have it in me to do what I would really like to do here, at least for a time. So...BORING BLOG ALERT!  BORING BLOG ALERT!

For the most part, I have loved doing this blogging thing.  I have enjoyed immensely interacting with other ladies out there who like to write, who have funny or touching stories to tell, and especially making my mom spit her food and drink out when she reads certain stories.  I hope that I can get back into it with my whole heart one day.  I miss it already. 

We'll see what happens.  I'll keep you posted!

Some More Funny

I have come to the conclusion that even if no one else except my mom and dad would like to look at these silly pictures, I am going to post them.  I need to laugh myself.  I need to laugh at myself.  I need to laugh at my family. 

We are a weird bunch, so this is a goal that is easily accomplished.

For Eliana's first Christmas my parents and my brother came to visit both for the holiday and for her baptism.  My mom and dad wanted a picture to send out with their Christmas card of all of us, since it is not very often that we are all together.  Plus, Christmastime makes for good photo opps.  Right?

You would think.

Capturing eight people at just the right time (or even two as you will see) proved to be an elusive task. 

The mission:  To get a family picture, as well as some with "Santa Grandpa", with everyone wearing the fabulous Santa hats, of course.

Oh, a promising beginning, indeed.

It is not hard to figure out from where my children get their ornery behavior, is it?

My mom is a total fanatic about loves getting a picture with each child (and hopefully one of them all together) with "Santa Grandpa".  Many people think my dad looks like Santa; a lot of children give him very big eyes when he is out and about at Christmas.

Christian went first.  We thought this made sense, since he would probably not last as long as everyone else for the photo session.  Apparently we needed to give him a tranquilizer first.

Next, Michaela hopped sweetly up on Grandpa's lap.  Hey!  Cheer up "Santa Grandpa"!  The fun has just started!

Now.  On to the big picture.  I mean the picture of all of us.  Don't think there is a big picture in this post, because...there isn't.  I don't do the big picture.  I am detail oriented.  Only trees.  No forest.

Of course, we had to figure out where everyone was going to go.  Apparently I think someone should head out back.  Mom looks dubious about my ideas.

Now she is trying to take over "Santa Grandpa's" line..."Ho, ho, ho!"  He seems a little tired, so why not let her?

Oh, look!  We are all in the picture!  Everyone is smiling!  Oh!   Doh!  Almost.  And for a Christmas card picture, almost just won't cut it.

"Hmmm," my brother asks himself,"What could be more fun than sitting here in my sister's house wearing this awesome Santa hat?  I don't wish I were at home at all!"

Well, this one is actually pretty funny...and would have made a great picture except for lovely little moi.  Oooh.  Michaela doesn't look so great either.  Whew!  I thought I was the one who messed this one up. 

Mom is nervous.  She might not get a Christmas picture after all.  How foolish she was to think that we could be coordinated enough to pull this off!

I think Santa needed a break.  My brother is a good sport, though, don't you think?

I believe this is the shot that ended up winning the prize.

The "no-one-is-picking-their-nose-or-closing-their-eyes-or-looking-the-wrong-way-or-putting-their-fingers-in-their-mouth" prize.  And that is worth something.

Ready or Not...

This week's challenge at I Heart Faces is challenging, all right.  This is ironic considering they are asking people to submit their "Hilarious Outtakes".  The challenge lies not in the capture, but in the choosing.  I could enter 150 pictures.  I debated whether or not I would have a contest for readers to vote...but I couldn't narrow it down to a reasonable amount of photos.  I have pictures that are funny for so many reasons...my kids make silly faces, or no one is ready for the picture when I take it, or an obstruction enters the picture from elsewhere.  For this challenge you are allowed to enter five pictures...and even with that generous allowance I still have so many!!  I might do a post later this week with the ones that I didn't choose to submit.  I need a little bit of light and funny around here, so that will be something fun to look forward to (at least for me).

And now for the pictures that almost were...

This photo is one of the first pictures I took of Eliana in the hospital.  It was just the two of us and I had a lot of fun watching her for hours.  This was an accidental pose, but my mom liked it because it looks like Eliana is saying,"Watch out, Michaela and Christian, here I come!"  My little Rocky Balboa...

Now, here is a picture that every mom wants to have of their precious baby girl...filling her diaper with a lovely gift for me.  Definitely one to save for the wedding reception. 

I think that the talent displayed in the following picture is amazing.  Not only does it show how tricky Michaela is that she can make her neck and her tongue look identical, but I was able to capture the image forever.

This next picture needs no explanation as to why it is so awesome...

I'm hoping she was removing something, rather than inserting.

This final picture is also of Eliana.  I obviously love taking pictures of her, and one gorgeous fall day we were outside playing in the leaves and I asked her to look at me and show me her eyes.  So...she did.

Oh, there are so many more!  But I have to stop for now.  I will show off some more of my excellent photography skills in another post later, and hopefully give you some laughs as you look over them.

There are so, so many funny pictures over at I Heart Faces...go check it out, it'll be good for a chuckle.

Hope, In a Roundabout Way

I feel as though I need to clarify a few things after the previous post.

But I don't want to sound defensive...just explaining where I was coming from.  Okay?  (See me smiling here.)

It may have sounded like I have a bad case of the wantsies.  Anything from the big, fancy house to the whopping diamond.  I just wanted to say, and felt like I needed to say, that I don't really want those things.  Honestly, when I think back on all the places we've lived, the many different homes including apartments as well as houses, my own happiest time was in the smallest (well, almost the smallest) place we lived.  It was an apartment that was probably less than 1000 sq. feet.  It seemed so cozy, though.  And the most important thing for me when we were in that place was the friends that we had.

I don't want things...I want friends! 

Friends and chocolate.

I'm going to buy the 30 Day Shred.

Can this post be any more all over the place?

Wait!  It can!

This morning at church we had a special choir come and visit.  The Mwangaza Children's Choir sang at several of the services and then gave a free concert after church.  They are children that represent the kids in Uganda, both the orphaned and those just struggling to survive because of dire circumstances.  There are children who have witnessed first-hand such terrible things that we could never begin to imagine, or personally been through things that are beyond what we could come up with in our own minds.  And yet, there they were singing about the hope that is for all the nations, Jesus Christ.  The horrors of their own experiences are not stronger than the love of God that they have come to know and cling to. 

We sang Hillsong's Stronger in worship today; the chorus goes like this: 

You are stronger, You are stronger,
Sin is broken, You have saved me.
It is written, Christ is risen,
Jesus, You are Lord of all.

This last week (longer, really, but at an even greater level recently) I have allowed my mind to get a bit out of control.  As if you could be "a bit" out of control...once you are out of control, the results can be disastrous.  I have been angry and resentful, full of a crazy mixture of self-pity, self-degradation, pride, and guilt.  I am a human being, and as one I am sinful.  Very much so.  I try to ask God to forgive me, but my trouble lies in then accepting that forgiveness.  But if He says He forgives, then who am I to contradict Him?  Is He not the Almighty, the all-powerful Creator of the universe, from the biggest star to the tiniest speck of sand.  Even Nebuchadnezzer said,"No one can hold back His hand/ Or say to Him,'What have you done?"  I am going to accept that He does indeed forgive me, rather than wallow in the (very unproductive) mire and muck of self-loathing.  God does not want us to hate ourselves.  In fact, this is an affront to Him...He designed us in His image.  Shall we hate what has been created in His image? 

Here is what I believe:  His love and His lordship are stronger than the suffering of the boys and girls who are growing up in war-torn Uganda, and they are stronger than my sin.  Christ is risen.  And that truly is the hope of all the nations.

Just Try to Make Sense of It...

The First Grade moms got together the other night for some food (duh) and some talking (um, duh).

I don't know these ladies very well.  There is a lot of chit-chat amongst moms when you are dropping off and picking up, planning the birthday parties, and in-class activities.  But the deep stuff...not so much.

I have a hard time making new friends these days.  You know when you move to a place and there are already the very established circles of friends, and the people who have lived there for their whole lives, right down the street from their best friends (still)?  I imagine that it's like that whenever we go somewhere new, regardless of what is the reality.  And then I don't try too hard. 

Because it's hard.

But it's also hard not to have friends. 

These women are really wonderful.  They are nurses, teachers, stay-at-home moms, decorators, counselors, health experts.  I had a good time.  I learned that I am not the only mom who feels the way that I feel around here, or thinks that the days are hard and long, or butts heads with their kid.

When you live in an atmosphere like the one I live in, where folks make a lot of money, wear super fashionable clothes (even jog suits), have diamonds the size of my fist, and always look together, it's easy to think you just don't measure up.  This is a struggle I have no matter where I go, really, but it is exacerbated here.  I know all the right things to say to myself; I know that God loves me, and has given His best for me.  I know that the reality is that I don't (and can't - no one can or does) measure up to His standards, but I don't have to because Jesus lived that perfect life.  I know that beauty is not most importantly an outward thing, and that there are many ways for it to be expressed.  I know that money does not buy you happiness, a big, fancy home is not all it's cracked up to be, and that showers are optional.

Just checking to see if you were paying attention.

Years ago I made some of the best friends of my adult life.  Now those friends are spread out all over the country, so I don't get to see them.  I don't get to call and say,"Let's run to Walmart together," or,"The kids are driving me crazy...are you going to the playground today?"  And of course, when your kids get older and the schedules are nuttier those opportunities don't present themselves the way they used to.  (I mean, seriously...do I really want to take my own kids to Walmart, much less mine plus someone else's?!)

There is a part of me that longs for that time again.  It was a special time, but short-lived.  So now the question is will I live while I'm here?  I have to make an effort if that's going to happen.

Mom?  Dad?  It would be a lot easier if you guys just moved here. 

Back to the part about measuring up.  There will always be those moms out there who "have it all together".  Regardless of what is really going on, they will look good, dress well (even on the days when it's pouring rain and I'm in my fleece pants and Mike's old Tahoe t-shirt with no bra on wishing I could crawl back into bed and sleep to the sound of the storm), and never say anything about the fight with Christian their kid or how difficult it was to get up that morning, or how they served cereal for dinner last night.  But what I discovered is that there are also the moms out there who are willing to say that things are not as they seem.  Life is not perfect, and families are not perfect.  And I don't have to measure up.  In fact, there is nothing in the world to measure up to.  I have to tell myself that...why would I want to live to those standards, knowing what is important, valuable, and eternally true?  (I'm not sure if that is a question or not.  But I put a question mark there anyway.) 

I'm no entrepreneur.  I'm no exercise maniac.  I'm no fashion model.  I'm no chef.  There are so many things I'm not.  But I am a mom.  It's hard for me, but I am one.  And for some crazy reason my kids love me at the end of the day (seriously, if you could have been here today, you would know what I mean).  My husband loves me (and this is not an easy thing to do, folks).  And even more unbelievably, the Lord loves me.  These are the things that matter, no? 

There comes a point where you have to believe that something is true, regardless of what seems to be.  A friend of mine told me a long time ago that she trusted the soap to do its job, when I asked her how she could handwash dishes so nonchalantly (I have a lot of issues...dishwashing is the least of them if that tells you something).  It really struck me (hello, I'm still thinking about it eleven years later).  You can't really see that the soap has taken away all the germs on the dishes, but you have to trust that it has.  I can't really see that I am accepted by God, I just have to trust that I am. 

My life in Christ is weak right now.  I wish sometimes that the trust would lead quickly to the life that lives that trust out.  I think it's the other way around though.  The life has to be lived in trust, and then both get stronger.  I'm not sure that makes sense.  I do know it's an active thing...the Christian life doesn't just happen to someone.  The steps are hard, though.

But aren't we the Walkers?  Isn't there something in a name?!  Here's to taking some steps...walk with us.  Walk with me.